Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Report – Day 4

Hello Folks,

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012. Here is his update for Day 4.

Hello everyone,

Great to see Tom Daley from Team GB in the diving. Is he British though? Check out how white his teeth are! And he can form a sentence!

I had the chance to have a sneak preview of Tom’s Olympic Diary, sponsored by Dairycrest.

“Diving Daley’s Daily Dairy Diary” is a great read. For example;

“July 30th – Got out of bed with triple somersault, piked in tuck position and had a bowl of Frosties. Cleaned teeth with twist and pike.  Off to the pool for some diving practice. Floss on the way.”

Diving does not make great radio, “He jumps…..He’s in the water.”

Also a highlight  was the record score by the USA’s Vincent Hancock in  Skeet Shooting. If like me you wondered where Skeet Ulrich’s promising career ended up…

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. Long Distance Circumcision –  One of the highlights of any games. Can Yitzhak Cohen create history by winning his fourth consecutive gold? He is everyone’s tip. But expect a nip and tuck showdown with Hilary Bump from Team GB. He is eager for a slice of the action.

2. Team Nervous Tittering In The Dark – One for the purists this.  It just shows how inclusive the Games are. Even the bashful get a go! Expect the gold to go Cambodia, led by the Queen of the Titterers, Tee Hee-Hee.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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Kate Middleton – Ninja Assassin!

Is She Dishing It Out In Buenos Aires?

Gfb has learned that Our Kate has been sent on a secret mission to bongo bongo land to sort out some more Johnny Foreigner types. We had previously reported that the Duchess of Lovely Pure Virginity Unsullied By Carnal Desires Of Man Or Beast was a member of the Cobra Kingfisher Singh Viper Assassination Hit Squad, the ultra-secret ginger ninja hit squad.

Bunty - Kate's Submersible Pony

Kate, who recently attended an art gallery and looked at some drawings, ALONE! has been spotted training in the sea, staying at Butlins, Minehead with the crack CKSVAHS (Damp Division).

Even In Rubber She Looks Wonderful

This exclusive photo of Kate in her war apparel suggests something fishy to us.

Kate was aboard her submersible horse, Bunty, on the secret mission.

We believe the target to be Argentina –  due to the recent tension between Britain and Argy Bargy land over the Falkland Islands. They also cheated us in the World Cup. Bastards.

Major Melatonin Lever-Arch, Slurper in Chief of the Royal Soup commented “With Kate on the job old Pampas Pedro won’t stand a chance! She’ll dish it to Diego! Now Lady Sin, a little tighter if you please.”

British PM Cameroon has ordered HMS Ginger to back up Kate’s activities. The mighty Ginger has left Hackney Wick swimming baths is being pedaled furiously the 8,000 miles to the South Atlantic. It has just reached Tower Bridge, so still some ways to go.

"We're Gonna Need A War Clegg"

We wouldn’t want to be in Maradona’s shoes right now (Bastard).

We'd Get Him In The End!

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