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Posts Tagged ‘Diets’

Hello,

I’m still struggling to take the Christmas pounds off. Apart from playing havoc with my rash my lovely wife, Shirley commented that I was close to putting Buddha to shame in the old girth department. Harsh I thought as I took a well earned rest after wrestling the sock from my right foot. Bit of a fighter that one. Still got a bit of elastic in the nylon.

But the mention of Buddha got me thinking.

As I scanned The Sun whilst on the bog, there was no mention of how to live a good Buddhist life. Well not in the Racing Section anyway. I thought Ying and Yang were the name of the Pandas in London Zoo (They never had sex neither – I know the feeling) and used to smother Feng Shui with Curry Sauce after wobbling home from the Swollen Gland on a Friday Night. Never met Harry Krishna neither. Must be a nice bloke – he’s had a religion named after him.

Shame my Uncle Harry never managed that trick. “Harry – Harry, Harry – Harry Feltham” has a certain tranquil quality don’t you think? He was a roofer as well. An existential extension could have been on the cards. If I knew what existential meant. Heard some bloke say it on BBC2 once. Knew it wasn’t At Home Wth The Ice Cop Chase Border Guards  straight away. (Great show that by the way).

Then I spotted it. 3.15 at Kempton Park – Roly Poly Fat Boy. Put  twenty on him to win and he romped home!

Thanks Buddha! Although my journey  for spiritual enlightenment continues.

No it doesn’t.

Laters.

Bob

You can read more of Bob’s musings whilst on the pot here and here. Your lives will be infinitely richer for doing so.

No you won’t.

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Hello,

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a good one – I got over excited in the Strained Parrot on New Year’s Eve. £10 a ticket, finger pork pie buffet and carafe of Bulgarian Cabinet per person. Great Value.

Still suffering now though. The rash is back with a vengeance and I reckon the Bulgarian Cabinet has accelerated my annual bout of the Norovirus. Shirl’s had to break out the emergency air freshener as a result of my stomach’s disposition.

Whilst on the pot I read that most people set unrealistic New Year’s resolutions that mean they are bound to fail. Inevitably.

Things like being able to run a marathon, pack up the fags, drink less or do all those jobs round the house that have been in the pipeline for years.

So for this year I have set my limits a little lower to avoid disappointment. Inevitably. I will aim to;

  • See my penis for the first time in five years whilst standing without the aid of a mirror.
  • Reduce my rash by at least a third
  • Fix the wardrobe doors (one squeaks and the hinge on the other is a bit wonky as me and Shirl sought passion in 1997 to overcome an argument about the squeaky one – put me back out as well).

Oh yeah and to be happier.

Laters.

Bob

You can read more of Bob’s musings whilst on the pot here and here. Your lives will be infinitely richer for doing so.

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Hello

Shirley’s nut cutlets from last night were causing some discomfort. I was in the vicinity of the Old Dear’s and so decided  to pay her a visit and to use the facilities.

I was checking the football results when I noticed something on my body for the first time. My rash is well known to me, as are a set of moles which in a certain light resemble Chairman Mao (The moles were integral to how I first  managed to chat Shirley up believe it or not).

No, what I noticed was a reddened imprint on my waist caused by my underpants and jeans, whilst my new socks had created a red ring around my calves. The socks were a Christmas present from my Sister. Plenty of snap still in the elastic. quality socks they are.

I think Shirley’s high fibre diet has a few months to run though.

For a moment I felt like a tattooed Polynesian warrior and hummed the theme tune to Hawaii Five-0 to myself.

That all stopped when I read that United had lost.

Laters.

Bob

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