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Posts Tagged ‘devon’

Katie Hopkins

Little ray of non-publicity seeking sunshine Katie Hopkins is under a cloud at the moment. The Queen of mock outrage, who has a trombone for a kneecap recently visited a Food Bank in Devon with the aim of belittling “the feckless” scroungers who use it.

She lambasted a legless man for wasting the nation’s resources by buying trousers saying, “This is why the country is going to the dogs. If legless people can afford trousers then something is seriously wrong.”

A kerfuffle then ensued with a woman waiting at a nearby bus stop. For the #34 to Tiverton.

“My arse she’s waiting for a bus!” said Katie to the handily located camera, “She is probably a prostitute. She looks like one. And she is hanging about. All adds up.”

cowpatfarage copy

PHWOAR!!!!!

It was when Katie left the Food bank to assail a nearby roundabout for being round, that staff noticed a number of tins of marrow fat peas were missing.

An insider told Gfb newshound, Cindy Etch-a-Sketch, “Katie had just finished a frenzied sex session with Nigel Farage and needed to replenish her energy levels with marrow fat peas which you can only get at Food Banks these days. She will send a cheque to cover the cost. He is lucky. Katie normally eats the male after copulation.”

Duncan-Spliff 'avin it laaarge.....

Duncan-Spliff ‘avin it laaarge…..

If you have any spare tins of marrow fat peas why not send them to Katie!

 

 

 

 

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new oily

Hello Oily

Pubic hair topiary is all the rage this year in North Devon. What is your view on “The Brazilian”? Sambatastic or are you a bush guy.

Aged Elsie, Bideford

Oily Replies;

Elsie,

I spent a summer on Copacabana a few years ago and filmed the real Brazil in my documentary ‘City of Thongs’. (Did you know that Queen Victoria wore an early prototype, a kind of hair shirt for the arse – which historians claim explains her permanent miserable gurn).

Armed with such fascinating historical facts I wandered the beach interviewing, oiled up thong clad  ass shaking women. The results were…..well, exhausting.

The question I ask society at large in this wonderful piece of “Deep Throat” journalism is a simple one: is the thong all it’s cracked up to be?

Oh and by the way Elsie, I found your false teeth. Not sure how they got clamped there without me noticing overnight. Let’s stay off the rum in future!

Oily

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