Posts Tagged ‘Cosmoplitan’

Hello Bob Lewington here,

I was round Lynn my sister’s this weekend to help her fella Darren creosote their garden fence. There is little love lost between Darren and me.  Several years ago I caught him trying to steal my living room window.

But Lynn asked for my help and how can I refuse?

The curly Kale worked its magic, so I tucked Lynn’s Cosmopolitan under me arm and paid a visit to the facilities.

I read about how the pleated sleeve is big this year and how an actress whose name escapes me overcame shoe disorder syndrome to get her life back on track. I’m a slip-on man for what it is worth.

There was also a story about how Melanie a 34 year old events planner from Balham, had her life saved by her pet cat Snappy. Apparently Mel had fallen down the stairs at home and had broken her ankle, tibia, hip, six ribs and neck.

Snappy dialled the emergency services, administered CPR and prepared a poultice using nothing but everyday herbs and spices found in the modern British kitchen.

Melanie has made a full recovery thanks to Snappy’s speed of thought and First Aid training. I am allergic to cats. They bring my rash out something terrible.

The creosoting went well apart from Darren trying to steal his own fence. He has issues.

Be lucky.


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Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

I popped round to my sister Shirley’s yesterday to help her husband Del move their new leather cornerpeice (with detachable armrests). He suffers with his back does Del.

I needed the facilities while I was there and had a flick through Shirley’s Cosmopolitan whilst doing my business. I completed the questionnaire “Who Would Be Your Best Partner?” and it turned out to be Brad Pitt!

I’d have thought Jonny Depp but there you go.

I’m not gay though! Oh No! Married with kids me. Got a Tattoo too. Of my Grandma. It’s not a very good one. Did it myself in front of the mirror when I was thirteen. Septicemia was a price worth paying.

Gran looks a bit like a gibbon. But it’s the thought the counts.

All the best,


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