Posts Tagged ‘Cobblers’

He may just have been re-elected, but this is without doubt his greatest honour!

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We’ve arrived!

“Daring, Brave, Challenging, Decisive, Bold, Witty, Urbane, Erotic, Erratic, Cobblers, Genre Defining, Lithe, Nibble and Chomp” – all words used to describe “Ginger Wig And Biscuits – Dunk Me” our first foray into the previously little known sub genre art of wigs and biscuits on plates next to eachother.

As our regular arts critic Brian Sewer remarked, “Biscuits imply tea. Tea is liquid. Gin is liquid. Make mine a double Barkeep!”

If you have £2,500 it is yours.

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The Government has identified the cause of it recent problems. Arthur Scargill.

The Greatest EVER Ginger Comb Over

It has come to light that veteran socialist firebrand Scargill and his cronies have established the ultra hard left Union of Meat Based Snacks Served At Room Temperature and Panic Fuel Buyers (Marxist/Leninist).

Their evil lair is in Barnsley, Yorkshire, Up North. Therefore they don’t count and are probably Communist.

For years Scargill wore with pride a shredded wheat on his head and is once again Public Enemy # 1.

“The PM is livid,” a Government source said, “Scargill and his Trot mates are seeking to overthrow British Parliamentary Democracy by cunningly getting people to eat luke warm pies and to top up their tanks in a dangerously left wing fashion. It is just like the Miners strike all over again.”

When asked if it was really due to an arrogant, incompetent, shallow, vainglorious bunch of multi-millionaires who cannot connect with anyone worth less than 20 million, Gfb’s reporter was belittled in Latin, debagged and forced to fag for a few days at Eton College.

Cameron refuses to be a Pasty Patsy and had ordered compulsory Morris Dancing up and down the streets of Britain to remind us of the good old days.

“That should deflect all this aggro over tax cuts for the richest 1 per cent. We know the peasants enjoy a dance or two,” Chancellor and Charlie Corrolli enthusiast, George Osborne mumbled before stepping into a bucket of wallpaper paste.

Marjorie Shingle-Beach, lead shin of the Padstow Prancers recommends, The Melksham Belly Belch, The Twyford Bell Ring Tinkle and The Bradford Bladder Bop for beginners. Foldy Diddle Lido!

Already, Pensions minister Ian Duncan Spliff has taken the message to heart. “Yeah Maan, me ‘anging out in me Chingfoord compound, kickin’ back and smokin’ some GANJA! Always taut old Artur could weave some serious dreads from de hold comb ova. Jus got to nip ova to Greggs and phurchase me some nice ot patties and hobtain some king size Rizla’s from 7 11. Runnin’ low y’get me? Respeck. Den me play accorjun for me haudience. Rastafari Morris man is I. Hey Nonny Nonny, Kingston Jammin’.”

The Government will also be announcing in the next few weeks;

• Immigrants eat babies

• Our young are feckless indigents and will be flogged every other Wednesday

• Argentina is planning to invade the Scilly Isles

• The Unemployed are all scroungers and will be flogged every other Thursday

• The EU want to take all our babies from us

• Rupert Murdoch is great and they are sorry for upsetting him

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