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Posts Tagged ‘Cars’

Vermeer_The_Girl_With_The_Pearl_Earring_(1665) copy

Hello Aunty;

Several days ago I discovered that my man was cheating on me with a foot pump. Ever since I have felt very deflated.

Is there anything I can do?

Wendy, Bolton

Dear Wendy,

Men are creatures of habit and it may well be that you haven’t been paying him full attention, hence his preoccupation with matters of the motoring kind.

If he’s feeling under pressure at work or home he needs a release valve and seems to have found it in the boot of his car. Tread carefully but you need to get to the hub of the problem before it escalates. Perhaps he’s tired of the domestic routine although it’s too early to gauge.

Without wishing to put a spanner in the works I suggest that if you spoke to him about your concerns he may well realise the error of his ways and realise he has been acting a bit nuts. With a little effort you may be able to repair this relationship without puncturing his hopes for the future.

Just be thankful it’s a foot pump and not one of the flash ones down the local petrol station. Although you have to pay to use them, the hoses are so much longer and once it gets going the vibration is something else!

Aunty

 

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Aunty Bill - A Tin Opener Short

 

Dear Aunty,

My wife and I have been married for over 80 years and are now both in our hundreds. I am happy just to sit by the fire, on fire and file me bunions. However Maude has recently started vehicle maintenance classes at the local college.

Whilst I have no objection, I am disturbed by her constant references to giving my “starting handle a good tug” and checking that my “crank” is in working order. This isn’t the women I married all those years ago.

Any advice?

Henry Ford

Snodland

Aunty Bill Replies;

Dear Henry

Whilst the delights of filing your bunions satisfies your cravings, Maude obviously desires more in the twilight of her years.Show an interest in her new found direction. Tell her if you can buff her headlamps she can by all means give your starting handle a tug. Next time you’re both working on that dodgy gearbox of hers ask if she can pass you the spanners as she tightens your nuts.

With time you’ll see the pleasure she derives from getting down and dirty with a set of jump leads (be careful there though old timer) and use the opportunity to regularly check her big end is in working order.

There’s more to life than Lumbago and bunions (to paraphrase Morrissey)

Toot toot!

Billemina

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We’ve just received this traffic update!

A348 Dorset – Very slow traffic on A348 Ringwood Road outbound in West Howe, Bournemouth from Mountbatten Roundabout to West Howe Roundabout.

Sadly this has meant that we cannot attend the lecture on “Napkins Down The Years,” by Professor Ralph Monkey, Professor Emeritus of Folding, University of Basingstoke.

Instead we will be nipping over to Swindon Retail Park to take advantage of the incredible savings on Pork and Venison sausages at World Of Sausage!

Every cloud…….

Gfb's Travel Editor

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