Posts Tagged ‘California’

Regular readers of Gingerfightback will recall that our beauty therapist and lifestyle guru, Oily George is currently in the USA filming a number of erotic films. You may be interested to learn that George has had a very productive meeting with Disney over a remake (with erotic undertones) of a classic children’s  TV series.

He is hopeful that Scooby Blue will be released next summer.

George has taken a break from filming (and to have his annual prostrate check up) and  faxed me this letter, which he was keen to share with you all!

Hi my lithesome sweat stained, slightly drooling readers. Sorry for my tardy responses to you all of late. I have been busy in Southern California spreading….well ever aware that you may be having your dinner, let us just say I have been spreading the good word of the Oily One.

I just checked my sack recently and boy oh boy was I surprised and rather proud of the bulge! Full to the brim with letters from you all.

Touched I was. I was young, he was the parish priest. But I digress.

Whilst in California I have had some interesting problems to answer. One young man on Huntington beach on 4th July accosted me thus:

‘Yo oily dude. Awesome man, hey I’m stoked. My queen haystack bitch stole my heart, smoked my bong and made off with my roomie. This was not cool man. I need advice. Guidance. I saw you working out on muscle beach down Venice way and like how do I get a 16 pack like u. I’m stuck with a mere 6er. So come on dude whassup?”

Well people, I was totally bamboozled by what he said. I speak the Queen’s English. But after watching the official Southern Californian Tourist Guide DVD ( aka ‘The Big Lebowski’) I was able to translate.

It would appear that his good lady had left him bereft, alone save for his by now, rather raw red right hand. He wanted a physique like mine believing therein lay the answer.

I explained that the ladies enjoy ‘riding the Oily ripple’. Either that or they enjoy the cash I pay them.

However I feel his attire was his main problem. Baseball Cap, T-shirt, shorts and flip-flops to win a fair maiden’s heart?

Wrong, so very very wrong.

I explained that if he wants the chance to ride the skinboat to tuna town he needs to smarten up. Well he has taken my advice to heart and can now be seen on the beaches and boardwalks between LA and San Diego dressed in a rather louche ensemble of crumpled linen suit accessorised with cravat and cummerbund.

I do not mean Sherlock Holmes is wrapped around his waist. That is Benedict Cumberbatch. An oft made mistake especially with the reputation Benedict has here in Tinseltown. Or at least would have if I were to make up some gossip.

Ever shiny ever sleek.



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Dear Oily,

I live in the Brandywell area of Free Derry. I worry constantly about the threat of earthquakes in California, your neck of the woods. So I do, like.

I keep waiting for the Big One. If or when it happens and assuming it clashes with my Baked Plumage session at the local Slap and Tans Beauty Salon, do I keep my appointment or should I just put tin foil on my head, a pencil up my nostril and hide under the bed all the while whistling Dixie?

Sinead MacTiocfaidh, Derry Hey

Oily Replies;

Hello Thingymajig

Irrelevantly enough, at my peak here in Nonsense City, I used to be known as the Big One. When I was with a fair maiden and the night reached a climax, the earth fairly moved for her!  So much so that the local loons often mistook it for an earthquake.

This doesn’t help your situation but gives me a chance to boast about my prowess back in the day.

Indeed, it was this prowess that led me to enter the-are-you-sure-that-is-legal market? for which I am loved by bandaged S&M afficianados the world over.

Yours bound and gagged


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