Posts Tagged ‘Boredom’




We are on holiday in Spain.

Spanish plumbing really has come on leaps and bounds. It is a pleasure to ascend my throne for an hour in the morning and allow the previous night’s paella, chips, sausages, black pudding, egg, chips and leg of lamb begin its momentous journey to the sea. Why David Attenborough hasn’t done a documentary on this still bemuses me. Like that one about the salmon returning to their spawning grounds. Only this would be about turds.

Still can’t get used to the bidet though. Use it to rinse me smalls.

We went on a boat trip.

An On The Pot served as a Tar under Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Horatio On The Pot came to a sticky end. Not in the heat of battle, but sneaking a crafty snifter from the barrel of brandy that Nelson was pickled in. They say the resulting dysentery was the inspiration behind pebble dashing.

We’ve met Brian and Sandra. They are from Basildon. The posh part. He sells double glazing. What he doesn’t know about glazing isn’t worth knowing about. I know because he told me. Often. Very often.

Sandra and my lovley wife Shirley have formed a bond, giggling and glaring at Brian and me as they cane the Gordons.

All this whilst Brian advises me on developments in toughened safety glass. Give me strength. Give me melanoma. Anything but the exciting world of lead beading finishes.



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Kung Fu Chicken

Crouching Tiger Hidden Chicken

This film is very long and features people running around a lot and being enigmatic. It went on and on and on and on and on and on. So on and on that Gfb fell asleep halfway through only to be shoved in the ribs by Madame Fightback to quell the old adenoids.

The film? It is about a hunchback Tiger looking for his best mate, a chicken that has gone missing during a game of hide and seek. He looks everywhere;  up on roofs, walls, behind doors and in wardrobes. Sadly he can’t find her so has a big swordfight with a few fellas instead. Then he jumps off a cliff.

The chicken turns up shouts, “Surprise! You couldn’t find me! I win!” only to discover her mate is dead. She jumps off the cliff. Being a chicken she cannot fly and pops her clogs too.

We were going to do Enter The Chicken but this is a family orientated site.

Here’s what the critics had to say,

“You’ll believe a chicken can do a kung fu chop!” The Delaware Doubter.

“Jet Lay is set for a brilliant career. A real feather in his cap this one!” The New York Times

“The most realistic depiction of chickens in a Martial Arts film I have ever seen!” The Houston Chronicle.

Sadly, the remake of the film provisionally entitled Kung Fu Chicken or KFC for short was never made.

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