What Am I Working On?

Hello,

I avoid getting involved in round robin memes as it feels oxymoronic for a blog that celebrates the absurd and nonsensical to explain itself in anyway.

However, I was invited by the wonderful Kathryn Grid at art colored glasses to talk about my writing. This is a different story. Because Kathryn is wonderful. Plain and simple. She has a clarity of thought and writing style that explains why this blogging lark is so enjoyable. Whether it be poetry, art, photography or beautifully written pieces about modern-day life I always find her insights enjoyable.

I am late with this exercise, partly because I was in heavy training for a half marathon, partly because the PC required the brawny yet caring hands of Trevor the ‘puter repair man (scuppering a few sausageifications I might add) but mostly due to inertia.

So apologies Kathryn for missing your deadline!

The rules of the process are that I answer four questions about how I write and nominate three others.

What am I working on at the moment?

I am putting the finishing touches to a set of stories all written on trains and have finally prepared the skeleton for a novel which will consume me for years to come.

I am also through Gingerfightback seeking to get “Nonsense with a purpose” included into the political lexicon of Britain in time for the General Election in 2015.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

No idea.

I concentrate on writing good stories with engaging characters that makes the reader want to get to the end of the story.

Why do I write what I do?

It is the way my brain works. I have an aversion to long windedness. Flowery writing drives me potty. Cherish words – don’t waste them.

How does my writing process work?

Notepad and pen. Always scribbling. Arrows and balloons. Get the narrative and then characterisation (my handwriting is so abysmal that the transfer to the screen is a slow and expletive laden process). Once I am happy with the structure, rewrite the thing. Remove excessive words. Rewrite. Third or fourth draft I might be happy with. Probably not so rewrite with the aim of removing more words.

I am a morning person.

And now, I nominate these three writers to participate in a Writing Process Blog Meme:

I nominated the people below because;

• I have enjoyed reading their work
• They hail from the British Isles
• Their work covers adult and children’s literature and also poetry

Jackie @ http://barbedwords.wordpress.com/

Holly Anne @ http://hollyannegetspoetic.wordpress.com

JD @http://jdgallagher.wordpress.com

If you accept my nomination, please write an article prompted by the following four questions and post it on your blog sometime in the future. You’ll also nominate three writers of your choice to post their articles on their blogs again at sometime in the future. The four questions are;

What am I working on at the moment?

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Why do I write what I do?

How does my writing process work?

Don’t worry if you don’t want to do it!

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Winter Olympics 2014 – What Sports Would You Like To See?

Hello,

GFB has been following the Winter Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014 and our reporter Ginger Sooty, The Glove Puppet Of Dreams, has been reporting on the sports at these Games, that are quite simply Sochi 2014, that haven’t made the headlines. Sports such as Full Contact Yodeling, Octagenarian Testicle Slalom, and Ice Donkey Dangling.

A number of fine individuals have come up with sports they would like to see in future Games.

Mr Guapola suggested;

• Jello wrestling and Pudding wrestling – both preferably in the nude a la ancient Greece.

Mr DJ Gourdoux suggested;

• Men’s “Bithatone” combining cross-country skiing with shopping for a new shirt.
• Women’s “Rice Hockey,” teams attempt to put the puck in a bowl of long grain rice
• “Figuring Skating,”  contestants perform spins, twist and jumps while solving polynomial functions of multiple variables
• Men’s Speed Shaving (this year’s controversial change in the minimum beard length requirement certainly favoured the Russians in his opinion).

Mr Crawshaw has suggested;

• Weight lifting on frozen ponds. Best moist snatch wins
• Bare arsed skiing. One who collects the most snow gets gold and cold
• Icelandic curling. Packet of frozen peas nearest the fish fingers takes it
• Amateur ski jumping. Winner gets to kick the shit out of Eddie ‘The Eagle’
• Downhill bin bags for poor people. Sponsored by David Cameron. No heats
• In line Waterboarding (Sadly cancelled as the Russians claimed the USA win every time)
• Fishing through a hole in the ice (not a competition, just trying to get something decent to eat)

WHAT SPORTS/GAMES/STUPIDITY DO YOU THINK SHOULD FEATURE IN THE GAMES? PRIZES FOR THE BEST SUGGESTION!

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Ginger Beauty With Oily George

Hello Oily

I recently had my dentures gold plated. The look really good and golden like.

Sadly, my life partner stole them and hawked them for a bargain bucket of fried chicken from  Colonel Dixie’s Southern Fried Chicken “Where You Won’t Sickin For Chickin!” on Dalston High Road.

I had to suck the chicken off the bone on account of me stolen gnashers. Now my man wants to sell my elbows for a kebab. I like kebabs but not that much!

What should I do?

Obolongo, Hackney

Oily Replies;

Obolongo;

Fried chicken is perfect for topping up a tan. Have a close look at my profile pic. Peer hard enough and you will probably be able to see a golden breadcrumb or two.

I regularly use 4 day old melted fried chicken skin to baste in. Gives me that leathery cracked look, which when I look in the mirror makes me smile proudly. If I was able to smile. Skins a bit tight ya know.

It also makes one very popular with the birds. The feathery variety that is.

This doesn’t help your problem but does give me a chance to boast about my oilyness. And that is what my column is all about. And what a column eh? eh? Phoowwwaaarrrr

Lubricatedly yours

Oily

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Somebody Asked To See The Ginger Thinker Again!

Somebody asked to see Ginger Thinker  again – happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the Pope with a pork pie on his head image again – happy to oblige!

Pope Pius 23rd

Somebody asked to see the ginger Sphinx image again – happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the ginger Al Jolson image again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the cute Polar Bear image again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the Shane McGowan dancing in Riverdance image again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the Saturday Night Fever Disco Chicken again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

During His Fish Period

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Ginger Mysticism – With The Mystic Milkman

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here

I am up with the Lark.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. November 8th 2013 – Pope Benedict will step down from the papacy to be replaced by the first African Pope.

2. May 24 2013 –  Smoking sand will be  made compulsory in the UK.

3. December 25 2014 – An animated remake of the Godfather about a bricklaying fish will smash box office records. The Hodcodfather is coming to a cinema near you soonish!

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Steve, Leicester;

Try the knife drawer – from Cousin Bet.

Eleanor, Moscow;

Look under the wobbly step – from Aunt Slobodan

Liang Bo in Shanghai

All men are shits! – Your mother!

Luigi, Verona

Find the man with the name Alfonso on his name tag. Fortune awaits when you do!

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….

I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….

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Is That Chairman Mao With A Sausage On His Bonce?

Yes!

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Is That Gollum Holding A Sausage?

Yes!

My Precioussss Ssssaussage

Perhaps this sword is not all it is cracked up to be

By the power of the sausage BE GONE EVIL SPIRIT!

The Lord Of The Sausage Trilogy

1. The Fellowship Of The Sausage

2. The Two Sausages

3. Return Of The Sausage

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Ginger Mysticism – With The Mystic Milkman

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here

I am up with the Lark, delivering milk in bottles mostly although some customers prefer plastic containers. This I find odd.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. November 2013 – The sleek will inherit the earth.

2. March 18 2112 –  An escapologist Sea Bass will emerge victorious in Britain’s Got Talent

3. December 25 2014 – Tom Cruise will elope with the love of his life, the escapologist Sea Bass and create a new religion, Escapology.

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Manny, Boston;

In the back pocket of your favourite trousers is the answer to the question you are asking.

Aubrey, Carshalton;

Gut the cat to find out!

Liang Bo in Shanghai

Not there, THERE!

Antoinette, Enschede

Find the man with the name Alfonse on his name tag. Fortune awaits when you do!

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….

I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….

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Who’d Have Thought? Gingerfightback Has Been Freshly Pressed!

Hello Everyone

They have great taste at Word Press – mark my words they do. Yep! They Freshly Pressed, “Train Travel Tales #33 – Decoration” which you can read here!

Hello to all the new followers and to those of you who are just passing through, hope you enjoyed the story. Come back for more nonsense!

I was going to have a quiet weekend , carpet cleaning, sheep worrying, perhaps a spot of cello baiting, but now I will don the old Michael Flatley headband and clog dance to the pub for a celebratory pint or two!

Off To The Pub In Me Shane McGowan Mask!

What’s more, this weekend also marks the First Anniversary of Oily George’s Beauty Tips column here on Gingerfightback and Oily has consented to his first “column” being put on display. So, keep an eye out for it!

Thanks again and everyone have a great weekend.

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Ginger Beauty – With Oily George

Hello Oily,

Foraging in the attic the other day I came across a false leg once owned by my Aunt Claire. Often wonder where she is. Last I heard she was opening a chain of shops selling cheap jewellery. Now bankrupt I’d imagine. The way of the High Street it seems.

To get back to my point. The leg got me thinking. I’m kinda lonely.What if I was to go onto Ebay and buy some more lady parts? I could build my own girlfriend. We could talk, hug, maybe even make love puddles together. Good idea or am I a freak?

Hans Lecter

Straightjacket City

Oily Replies;

A wonderful idea!

A variant of this was done by a dear friend and fiend of mine Norman Bates some 50 years ago in the US. It worked for him for sure. And he had a very successful motel business which would probably still be going strong – and smelling even stronger – if the corporate chains hadn’t taken over.

Your question raises a very serious issue about today’s society. In an extensive survey that I made up this morning in the shower it was PROVEN BEYOND DOUBT that in just ONE street in East London MORE people live ALONE than in the WHOLE of the street across way.

To me this shows irrefutably that there needs to be more kink in everyone’s lives. It will ease the loneliness.

To get you started I have a special offer. If you buy 30 of my DVD’s within the next 14 days I will throw in a litre of my oil PLUS a battery operated arm. Vital when your own hand locks. Just let me know if you are a righty or lefty and we can get it off and thus get you off, as soon as possible.

Say No to Mr Lonely!

Oily- The Caregiver.

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