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Hello,

I avoid getting involved in round robin memes as it feels oxymoronic for a blog that celebrates the absurd and nonsensical to explain itself in anyway.

However, I was invited by the wonderful Kathryn Grid at art colored glasses to talk about my writing. This is a different story. Because Kathryn is wonderful. Plain and simple. She has a clarity of thought and writing style that explains why this blogging lark is so enjoyable. Whether it be poetry, art, photography or beautifully written pieces about modern-day life I always find her insights enjoyable.

I am late with this exercise, partly because I was in heavy training for a half marathon, partly because the PC required the brawny yet caring hands of Trevor the ‘puter repair man (scuppering a few sausageifications I might add) but mostly due to inertia.

So apologies Kathryn for missing your deadline!

The rules of the process are that I answer four questions about how I write and nominate three others.

What am I working on at the moment?

I am putting the finishing touches to a set of stories all written on trains and have finally prepared the skeleton for a novel which will consume me for years to come.

I am also through Gingerfightback seeking to get “Nonsense with a purpose” included into the political lexicon of Britain in time for the General Election in 2015.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

No idea.

I concentrate on writing good stories with engaging characters that makes the reader want to get to the end of the story.

Why do I write what I do?

It is the way my brain works. I have an aversion to long windedness. Flowery writing drives me potty. Cherish words – don’t waste them.

How does my writing process work?

Notepad and pen. Always scribbling. Arrows and balloons. Get the narrative and then characterisation (my handwriting is so abysmal that the transfer to the screen is a slow and expletive laden process). Once I am happy with the structure, rewrite the thing. Remove excessive words. Rewrite. Third or fourth draft I might be happy with. Probably not so rewrite with the aim of removing more words.

I am a morning person.

And now, I nominate these three writers to participate in a Writing Process Blog Meme:

I nominated the people below because;

  • I have enjoyed reading their work
  • They hail from the British Isles
  • Their work covers adult and children’s literature and also poetry

Jackie @ http://barbedwords.wordpress.com/

Holly Anne @ http://hollyannegetspoetic.wordpress.com

JD @http://jdgallagher.wordpress.com

If you accept my nomination, please write an article prompted by the following four questions and post it on your blog sometime in the future. You’ll also nominate three writers of your choice to post their articles on their blogs again at sometime in the future. The four questions are;

What am I working on at the moment?

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Why do I write what I do?

How does my writing process work?

Don’t worry if you don’t want to do it!

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lenin ski jump

Hello,

GFB has been following the Winter Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014 and our reporter Ginger Sooty, The Glove Puppet Of Dreams, has been reporting on the sports at these Games, that are quite simply Sochi 2014, that haven’t made the headlines. Sports such as Full Contact Yodeling, Octagenarian Testicle Slalom, and Ice Donkey Dangling.

A number of fine individuals have come up with sports they would like to see in future Games.

Mr Guapola suggested;

  • Jello wrestling and Pudding wrestling – both preferably in the nude a la ancient Greece.

Mr DJ Gourdoux suggested;

  • Men’s “Bithatone” combining cross-country skiing with shopping for a new shirt.
  • Women’s “Rice Hockey,” teams attempt to put the puck in a bowl of long grain rice
  • “Figuring Skating,”  contestants perform spins, twist and jumps while solving polynomial functions of multiple variables
  • Men’s Speed Shaving (this year’s controversial change in the minimum beard length requirement certainly favoured the Russians in his opinion).

Mr Crawshaw has suggested;

  • Weight lifting on frozen ponds. Best moist snatch wins
  • Bare arsed skiing. One who collects the most snow gets gold and cold
  • Icelandic curling. Packet of frozen peas nearest the fish fingers takes it
  • Amateur ski jumping. Winner gets to kick the shit out of Eddie ‘The Eagle’
  • Downhill bin bags for poor people. Sponsored by David Cameron. No heats
  • In line Waterboarding (Sadly cancelled as the Russians claimed the USA win every time)
  • Fishing through a hole in the ice (not a competition, just trying to get something decent to eat)

putinsooty

WHAT SPORTS/GAMES/STUPIDITY DO YOU THINK SHOULD FEATURE IN THE GAMES? PRIZES FOR THE BEST SUGGESTION!

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new oily

Hello Oily

I recently had my dentures gold plated. The look really good and golden like.

Sadly, my life partner stole them and hawked them for a bargain bucket of fried chicken from  Colonel Dixie’s Southern Fried Chicken “Where You Won’t Sickin For Chickin!” on Dalston High Road.

I had to suck the chicken off the bone on account of me stolen gnashers. Now my man wants to sell my elbows for a kebab. I like kebabs but not that much!

What should I do?

Obolongo, Hackney

Oily Replies;

Obolongo;

Fried chicken is perfect for topping up a tan. Have a close look at my profile pic. Peer hard enough and you will probably be able to see a golden breadcrumb or two.

I regularly use 4 day old melted fried chicken skin to baste in. Gives me that leathery cracked look, which when I look in the mirror makes me smile proudly. If I was able to smile. Skins a bit tight ya know.

It also makes one very popular with the birds. The feathery variety that is.

This doesn’t help your problem but does give me a chance to boast about my oilyness. And that is what my column is all about. And what a column eh? eh? Phoowwwaaarrrr

Lubricatedly yours

Oily

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Somebody asked to see Ginger Thinker  again – happy to oblige!

thinker

Somebody asked to see the Pope with a pork pie on his head image again – happy to oblige!

Pope Pius 23rd
Pope Pius 23rd

Somebody asked to see the ginger Sphinx image again – happy to oblige!

Wonder what it makes of it all?

Somebody asked to see the ginger Al Jolson image again – as always happy to oblige!

jolson

Somebody asked to see the cute Polar Bear image again – as always happy to oblige!

polarbear

Somebody asked to see the Shane McGowan dancing in Riverdance image again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the Saturday Night Fever Disco Chicken again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

Lovely

has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

A Sad End To A Great Career

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

By The End He Was On 20 A Day
During His Fish Period

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I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here

I am up with the Lark.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. November 8th 2013 – Pope Benedict will step down from the papacy to be replaced by the first African Pope.

2. May 24 2013 –  Smoking sand will be  made compulsory in the UK.

3. December 25 2014 – An animated remake of the Godfather about a bricklaying fish will smash box office records. The Hodcodfather is coming to a cinema near you soonish!

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Steve, Leicester;

Try the knife drawer – from Cousin Bet.

Eleanor, Moscow;

Look under the wobbly step – from Aunt Slobodan

Liang Bo in Shanghai

All men are shits! – Your mother!

Luigi, Verona

Find the man with the name Alfonso on his name tag. Fortune awaits when you do!

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….

I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….

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Yes!

mao

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Yes!

gollum copy

My Precioussss Ssssaussage

hobbits_edited-1

Perhaps this sword is not all it is cracked up to be

gandalf sausage

By the power of the sausage BE GONE EVIL SPIRIT!

The Lord Of The Sausage Trilogy

1. The Fellowship Of The Sausage

2. The Two Sausages

3. Return Of The Sausage

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