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Posts Tagged ‘Ballet’

Hello Folks

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a Potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop down here in Lower Swell.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Mona Lisa – Da Vinci’s masterpiece – I too knew a girl called Lisa who moaned a lot.

The Original Version!

The Original Version!

He Painted It – But Without A Yorkshire Pudding On His Head

2. Movies

Transformers – erm…..erm…..sorry……nope not a clue – why does it go on a bit?

3. Music

Beethoven’s 7th – it begins with; dum de dum dum dum de dum – goes on a bit thereafter.

4. Dance

The Nutcracker – Heavy hammed lads in tights and cod pieces go – PRANCE – PRANCE – LEAP! – Then thin birds in miniskirts go tippy toe -tippy toe – stand still – TWIRL!  – none of this has anything to do with nuts – which always confuses me.

PS What is a Potter’s favourite song?  Kiln Me Softly!

Village News

Whoever stole the Village notice board please return it.

Until next time……keep those wheels a spinning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

Here are reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Water Lilies – Monet’s famous work. He was an Impressionist. I do impressions. Gwyneth Paltrow and Laurence Olivier are my best ones. Close your eyes and it is as if they are in the room with you.

2. Movies – GravityBollock and Cloney star in this film about  wonky goings on in space. Lacked a bit of atmosphere  – Tipped for Oscar glory though – Goes on a bit.

3. Music – Chopin Piano Sonatas – Plinky plonky plink. Plonkety, Plonkety, Plink. That’s the gist of it – Goes on a bit.

4. Ballet – Swan Lake  –  Lads with big thighs bounce around the stage for no apparent reason, whilst thin girls go tippy toe, tippy toe, tip tip tippy toe – again for no apparent reason Goes on a bit.

5. Opera – Turandot – Hefty lads and lasses warble about something. In a foreign language! Then a really big unit warbles really loudly for another bit. Then it ends. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Vicar’s rash has cleared up thanks to the liberal application of Calamine lotion and abstinence from fornication.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello Folks,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

We are getting ready for the Christmas rush. Are you?

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Hay Wain –  Constable’s most famous painting.  I always thought he was a Policeman. It threw me for a while when my mate told me he wasn’t.

2. Movies

Die Hard – A bloke wearing a vest kills the bloke who played a wizard in Harry Potter. He can’t have been much of a wizard if he lets a bloke in a vest kill him. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Saturday Night Fever  – The Bee Gees were reborn with this album. I had a fever on Saturday Night. Went to the pub without drying my hair properly after a bath. Caught a chill. Goes on a bit (the album that is – not my fever – otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this).

4. Ballet

The Nutcracker – Big thighed lads prance about for some reason, whilst thin girls stand on tippy toes twirling. Then they finish. Roughly at the same time. Goes on a bit.

5. Poetry

Flute Notes From A Reedy Pond – Sylvia Plath ditty, “Hourly the eye of the sky enlarges its blank” – I haven’t a clue either.

Village News

We’ve been informed that shampoo is now in store in Spar. Next to tinned fish. Which I am assured is Dolphin Friendly.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello Folks!

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a Potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop down here in Lower Swell.

Gingerfightback was pottering around my pottery the other day and offered me the chance to pen a regular arts column as long as I didn’t press charges and let him put the teapot and banister rails back where he found them.

So, without further ado, here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Mona Lisa – A very good painting. It’s got colours and everything.

He Painted It – But Without A Yorkshire Pudding On His Head

2. Movies

The Exorcist – scared the bejesus out of me. He’s a lad is Satan!

3. Classical Music

Beethoven’s 7th – has some good bits in it. Deaf as a post Beethoven.

4. Rock Music

The Clash – The Clash – has some good songs. Goodness they WERE angry.

5. Ballet

Swan Lake – has some good dancing in it. Goes on a bit though.

These are purely my views. Do you have any views on my views? If so send me your views on my views for others to view!

PS What is a Potter’s favourite rock band?

Kiln Joke!

(If you know any pottery gags please send them through – a hand thrown cup and saucer is on offer each month for the best rib tickler! By hand thrown I mean hand made and not chucked at a passer by due to one of my inexplicable rages. Don’t worry though, they are short lived. Usually).

Until next time……keep those wheels a spinning!

TCTP

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