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Hello,

Gingerfightback’s film critic Mark Commode, has discovered that the central character in the Rise of the Planet of the Apes – Caesar  – was originally going to be Ginger as the film’s producers believed it would make the whole thing more realistic.

 

caeser2

Ginger and ever so angry

The next instalment, provisionally titled, “Early Morning On The Planet Of The Apes – Kippers for Breakfast” will feature a spectacular bicycle  chase  modelled on the attached outtake from, “Late Afternoon On The Planet Of The Apes – Not So Warm When The Sun Goes In Is It?”

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I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here

I am up with the Lark, delivering milk – in bottles.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. June 2012 –  Germany will win the World Cup.

2. March 2015– A joint Transformers and X-Men movie will be released under the title “Transformen – Robots With Sideburns – Rise of the Pygmies”. The film will be shown in VD.

3. December 25 2014 – A cauliflower will be proclaimed King of England much to the chagrin of Prince Charles. King Cauli will prove to be a wise and benevolent leader. The House of Brassica will rule England for the next 3,000 years.

fence2charlessausage

Miffed

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Michelle, Arizona;

Look in the biscuit tin.

Macy, Munich;

Feel your varicose veins for the answer to your conundrum!

Liang Bo in Shanghai;

Right a bit, now left a bit – THERE!

Antoinette, Enschede;

Find the man with the name Alfonse on his name tag. Fortune awaits when you do!

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….

I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….

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Hello Folks

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a Potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop down here in Lower Swell.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Mona Lisa – Da Vinci’s masterpiece – I too knew a girl called Lisa who moaned a lot.

The Original Version!

The Original Version!

He Painted It – But Without A Yorkshire Pudding On His Head

2. Movies

Transformers – erm…..erm…..sorry……nope not a clue – why does it go on a bit?

3. Music

Beethoven’s 7th – it begins with; dum de dum dum dum de dum – goes on a bit thereafter.

4. Dance

The Nutcracker – Heavy hammed lads in tights and cod pieces go – PRANCE – PRANCE – LEAP! – Then thin birds in miniskirts go tippy toe -tippy toe – stand still – TWIRL!  – none of this has anything to do with nuts – which always confuses me.

PS What is a Potter’s favourite song?  Kiln Me Softly!

Village News

Whoever stole the Village notice board please return it.

Until next time……keep those wheels a spinning!

TCTP

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Hello,

Grandpa Fightback swore that a good Shanty a day kept the hemorrhoids at bay. He lived to 105 and was never afflicted by the Chalfont Saint Giles.

GFB’s Folk and ancient lore expert Hermione Moist, rummaged in her backyard and found an old album by Toke Townley and The Tuggers, “Hand Shantys By The Shore With Sweet Deliza”.  The titles alone heave us windward into the salty spray as the Whaler hoves out of Nantucket;

There’s a Narwhal up me grapper.
I’ve been bent over a Barrel or two.
Have you dandled on Nelson’s Column?
They lowered her on me and Mary Rose.
There’s a cabin boy in me quarters.
Captain Sparrow’s marrow.
There’s never a gay pirate when you need a boost.

Here is a classic Shanty – Featured in Jaws so it has to be good!

 

 

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Hello!

To celebrate world chinstrap week, Gingerfightback brings to you some of the great and good down the years who have proudly sported one.

As Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a chinstrap”.

Enjoy!

Here is Soccerball Legend, Chelsea manager and Portugese Man o’War, Jose “The Special One” Mourinho adjusting his straps

jose_chin

Here Is The Pope!

pope_chin

And here is Steve McQueen!

McQueen – The Great Escape – The Chinstrap

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I was singing the Roberta Flack classic the other day “Kiln Me Softly” – we like a joke now and again us potters!

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Le Moulin de la Galette a Montmartre – One of Renoir’s best – lots of people in it and a chair is clearly visible too.

2. Movies

The Sound Of Music – Nun looks after kids – everyone warbles away. Clothes are made from curtains.  Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Lady Gaga – Bad Romance –  Gaga ooh la la  – then chorus – then Gaga ohh la la etc etc. As deep as a kipper. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Wuthering Heights – The Bronte classic – She loves him. He loves her. She marries someone else. He leaves. He comes back with a few bob in his pocket. Kate Bush whinnied about it. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Easter Bonnet prize went to Mr Ellington’s BMW. Lovely bit of buffing. The car is parked on his drive for everyone to nip round and have a butchers. Please don’t touch as you will smudge the finish.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Oily,

The drama teacher says my acting career will never amount to more than a hill o’ beans. Despite not knowing what that means, I’m assuming it ain’t positive as she always gets the class to laugh at me whilst I’m taking my turn on stage.

I have done all the classes and got top marks like, but my protruding tooth, flaming ginger hair and the mole sitting on the end of my nose are a hindrance. Any tips?

Bob, Over There

Oily Replies

Hi Bob,

A sad story, but there is inspiration out there. My fellow Oscar winning actor Ron Jeremy is no oil painting as you seen from his role in genteel Sunday night period dramas, Go Down on Abbey and Rockford’s Piles.

With his pot belly, webbed toes and dubious taste in sandals, Ron is no Ryan Gosling, yet pneumatic, breathy, stiletto wearing, badly dubbed girls the world over have loved him dearly. Frequently. All at once. Sometimes involving implements to!

So there is hope

Oily

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My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

Here are some reviews from the world they call “Art”.

1. Sculpture

Venus De Milo – It is armless enough.

2. Movies

The King and I – The slap head from The Magnificent 7 tries to get hold of Deborah Kerr after learning the lingo. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Nirvana – Nevermind –I was into Grudge in my teens –  Mum told me off for not tucking my shirt in.  Then New Kids On The Block came into my life….. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Graham Greene – Our  Man In Havana – The importance of vacuum cleaners as a nuclear deterrent.

5. Theatre

Romeo and Juliet – He loves her and she loves him. The families don’t get on. The vicar is a drug dealer. They die. Doth goeth oneth for a biteth.

Village News

A protest will take place outside the village hall tomorrow during the lactose intolerance group session. Intolerance cannot be tolerated in any form.

Til The Next Time

Keep That Wheel Turning!

TCTP

 

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This week’s request comes from the highly talented writer Amy Reese, whose stories you can FIND HERE

Recently released as a Blockbuster epic featuring Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Ray Winstone and Jennifer Connolly, the timeless tale of Noah is a warning to us all of something or other.

Biblical Scholars have posited the theory that the wrath of God on Man for something or other wasn’t manifested in a deluge of rain but actually a plague of sausages!  As Genesis 3:16 sayeth “And lo the Almighty’s anger was assuaged only by wreaking upon the sinful and idolatrous a great deluge of tasty if salty, meat based products with minimum guaranteed meat content. Forsayeth.”

Would the animals still have gone in 2×2? Pity the Pig……..

 

russell 3 copy

 

IS THERE ANYTHING OR ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE A SAUSAGE ADDED TO? LET US KNOW!

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This week’s request comes from a great friend of GFB, artist Marina Kavinaki whose wondrous works you can FIND HERE!

Marina asked for Jack Nicholson in The Shining to be sausaged.

As you can see from this section of the film The Sausage on Jack’s head drove him to break down “That Door” originally using a Meat Pie Head Axe.

Stanley Kubrick later re-shot the scene with a more traditional axe head.

shining 4 copy

 

The second photo shows Shelley working  out if she can swallow the dreaded Meat Pie Axe Head as it crashes through the door panel.

That must have been some tough pastry folks (note the hand crimping on the pie too – touch of class).

sissy copy

 

We gingered Jack a few months ago – here it is again!

jack_nocholson

 

 

IS THERE ANYTHING OR ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE A SAUSAGE ADDED TO? LET US KNOW!

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