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Tony-Blair

Narcissistic loon Tony Blair has called upon President Obama to bomb Glasgow as he is convinced the Islamic State has gained a foothold in the land of the Kilted.

As he told GFB,

“I was with the Chairs of RBS, Barclays, BP and Halliburton explaining how to create the conditions for peace via slaughter, when I was handed a dossier entitled “Al-Alex Salmond Plans to introduce Deep Fried Islam to Scotland.” It’s all true because the dossier came in a nice plastic folder and had some pictures in it. One showed the Glasgow Rangers ground with a bloke with a beard sitting in one of the seats. What more proof do you need?”

slamond3

Is He An Islamist?

So, I called me old muckers Bill Clinton and George W to see if the Yanks could strike and y’know what? They never returned my call! Me! After all I’ve done for America!

"Cos We're Worth It!"

Didn’t bother with Obama – never liked fellas who are rational.

But mark my words – Scotland will be the next Islamist bolthole.”

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Oh, but how do drunk people get home?
I wonder
But…
How do drunk people get home?
My careening well…
Scars and scurf
And a long whole ago
….that pill in the morning in the clinic
that pill…
Hmm…
But how do drunk people get home?
I met the man with the box of frogs and had occasion to ask him
Feeling that the rain would stay off a while
as I sheltered under his hanging umbrella
He was too busy to answer
Much too busy,
The boxing of frogs and the herding of cats
Taking up
Way way too much of his time!
But it’d come to a pretty pass
If the only weavers of dreams left to us
Were to be the joke of the bank
(Their jokes are cruel)
And the many sellers of smoke
They there
Still there
There in the glam of the threadbare glade.

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The Queen has pleaded with Scots to remain part of the United Kingdom. The big funnelled monarch, celebrating 600 years without a thought, is very “worried” about developments, particularly losing her holiday cottage in Balmoral.

To show her devotion to her Scottish subjects Her Royal Linerness has taken to wearing the national symbol of Scotland, the Scotch Egg.

Royal watcher, Form A-Orderly-Queue told Gfb, “Her Royal Minus is very keen that the Sweaty Socks stay part of the UK. She adores shortbread, has read all of Irvine Welsh’s novels, is addicted to Temazepan and Irn Bru is her favourite hangover cure.”

Why don’t they want wonky Prince Charlie as their next King?

charles copy

Prince Phillip has ordered tanks to be placed outside the house of Scottish firebrand and slurper of soup, Alex “Fatty” Salmond, describing him as a “Slimy sporran sniffing Jock Bastard,” to close pals.

The Prince is also worried that summers will have to be spent at Butlins in Minehead in future.

 

 

What will the Scottish People decide? Will it be life in the Faslane? Or is that the nuclear option?

Och Aye The Noo

Gfb's Travel Ace

Mammy!

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Boy do the Royals work fast!

With the Scottish Referendum vote so close, PM David Cameron ordered Kate and Wills to, “Produce Prince Sprog pronto old chap.”

And quicker than you can say, “I thought Mel Gibson was terrific in Braveheart – FREEEEEEEDUMB!” the slaphead Prince confirms his sperm count once again!

kate_pregnant
We are as thrilled that our Kate is pregnant with the future Prince Thing of Blighty  – As Royal Watcher Tiggy Winkle-Harumph told Gfb, “We can now add fecundity to Kate’s list of achievements!”

What A Glorious Day That Was

That Glorious Day….

And George will have a brother or sister to Rule!

prince george2 copy

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Kids,

It is your duty to take drugs!

cupboard crackhead copy

 

As the Government now includes proceeds from drugs and prostitution in official statistics I am proud that my Crack habit has helped pull the country out of recession. I’m not sure how statisticians arrived at these figures (exhaustive research must have been undertaken).

Prostitution should no longer be seen as drug addled women being pimped by scum to pay for their heroin addiction but as a bold, nay noble effort to get the country back on its feet, up against a wall or in a car or in a bus shelter…..

Makes ya proud to be British!

Beats me why would Scotland wish to become independent!

Uncle Crackhead

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Secretary of State for Work and Fuckery, Iain Drunken-Spliff wants to lash fat people to houses to drive down energy consumption in the UK as part of the Government’s Green agenda.

IDS told Gfb, “I’m sick of all these fat bastards lolloping round the place in tracky bottoms stuffing McShite into themselves,  blaming their glands and then expecting the NHS to staple their gobs.”

Ian Drunken Spliff

He continued after a shot of morphine, “I’m not fucking havin’ it. They are fat – like a Seal in winter fat – fat is good insulation – so tie themto the outside of houses as insulation. Energy consumption goes down and these tubsters are actually of some use. Genius or what!”

Drunken-Spliff then went for a lie down.

British Gas told Gfb, “We have no plans to lash the fat to houses, attractive as that may be. We are farming the obese for their tallow and hope the first Obese Oil Fired Power Station will be coming on-line in 3 or so years.”

Yootha N’asia, Secretary of The Society of Obese People said, “Are you going to eat that?”

 

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gingercrowd

THE GINGER SCROLLS – PART  2 THE DEPARTURE CONTINUED……

You can read Part 1 here

 

Friend,

I remain nameless but deign not to remain silent. For my people, a gentle friendly Volk with arms outstretched in friendship for all they come across, remain afloat on their small lard hair vessels, tormented by the loss of their lands and kin.

But lo! Just as our tragedy told, seemed to beckon all hope to the shadowy leather bucket of Norsglkiadrtothonotom we received message in form of salvation from great Lord Protector. Galleothon.

Once a mighty warrior who challenged evil to a mime war and boldly saw evil from the door when he did his smiley face, Great Galleothon protector of our beliefs and spirits in times good as well as those tainted by sadness and despair had come to us. The incant of Galleothon was heard across the heavens in the defence and protection of his people;

earth

We fall grim destiny

Locked upon a baleful wind

That draws us toward a future unknown

Oh Land! Oh ice and snow

What befalls us cannot stay

We shall weep but we vow to return one day

A promise made is a lie denied

seal

Krol climbed the mast of his boat and bade us to listen to his warbling message. He took blood from his wrists and scrawled in a proud fist upon the spider’s web sail that sought the winds solace for our benefit. By his luck he wrote in a smallish hand stemming blood loss but those of us with eyesight weak had to squint mightily to read the tiny words.

We are free

Doubt not your heart

We can see

No end but a start

We sail to Deep South

For have no doubt

Galleothon will guide us well

Away from this cruel swell

To calmer water

That is free of slaughter

 

easter 2

And on we sailed, for once the steel of cold sadness tempered by the thought of new homes and fates with land for us to till in return for our friendship and fealty. Each day we forged further, Mother Sun would appear for longer time, her warmth on our faces and her kindness rekindling our spirits.

The land of the Notalots beckoned……

 

everest copy

 

To be continued….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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