Here To Help – Here To Care
The Milk Of Human Kindness
Aunty Bill,
My mum sold me to the milkman in order to buy a shoe horn the other week.
Do you think she is trying to tell me something? I weigh 87 stone and recently ate our roof by mistake. It made a healthy alternative to cheese in a sandwich.
Yvonne, Winchester
Aunty Bill Replies;
Dear Yvonne
The shoehorn is merely a metaphor for shoe horning you out of the door and out of her life (although at 87 stone she’s got a job on her hands and will need a bigger horn or lots of smaller ones).
At least she sold you to a milkman.
Milkmen (and women) have over the years demonstrated a deep affection for fat people. Before the days of the milkfloat, they could be seen across Britain pulling the wagon while milkmen jumped on and off delivering the nation’s favourite drink.
Hopefully he will put you to work and you’ll see the pounds fall away and be in a position to replace the roof over you dear old mum’s head which you so thoughtlessly ate.
Chink! Chink!
AB
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
She ate the roof? Alas … Sh*t on a Shingle exists!
Great teeth I would wager
You’re back! Hope you had a great time. You had us worried with your disappearing act. 🙂
Was in Australia and then Germany Joe. Drafted a novel to. All good here. You well in the suburbs?
Australia, Germany, a novel, performed open heart surgery…. how did you manage all that ;-D
All good, I just pass my time making up stories about people who wait at my bus stop
Love a bus stop story me!
Last night was a lady who bought a nutcracker and opened it and was testing it without nuts trying to put her finger in it to test the force. She was fixated with this for about 10 minutes.
Then she ate a chocolate bar.
I used to do that! The nutcracker not the chocolate….
My question to Aunty Bill is ” will he be able to shit roof tiles “
Yes
New meaning to raising the roof. “Excuse me would like some Grey Poupon with that?”
Mmmmmmm…….
I think Aunty Billy nailed it in one on this. The milkman could be the best thing that ever happened to Yvonne.
Hope so!