Aunty Bill
My girl Denise left me for another man.
She texted to say, “I want to be with Jason. He looks great in tan slip-ons and doesn’t possess a face that looks like Hitler’s good bollock. Can I have my Pink album back as well?”
How can I win her back?
Les, Norwich
Aunty Bill Replies;
Les,
It sounds like Denise is gone. If you follow my advice there is a chance you can still win her back. Invest in a decent pair of comfortable and fashionable shoes (Sling backs or ballet pumps are in at the moment).
Customise them by sprinkling the heels with Hundreds and Thousands. This will make you really stand out from the crowd! She will certainly know you mean business and Jason will have to raise his slip-on style to compete with you.
There’s a chance that people will throw something at you, but turn the other cheek (the one that doesn’t look like Hitler’s good bollock).
Good luck!
Aunty Bill
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
If those little candies don’t do the trick, I’d tell Denise to take a hike…in uncomfortable shoes!
Right onSister!
But what should he do about the Pink album?
Keep it
Les might just be Hitler. heard (that’s heard) he only had one bollock as well
Norwich has a touch of the Wehrmacht about it
Great advice! Better to have bills under your heels than TP.
Agreed Susie
With good advice, winning her back is a shoo-in
Woeful!
I watched an episode of embarrassing bodies once. They had a bloke on there who had hitlers face on his testicle. They lopped it off.
bollocks
You would wouldn’t you
I’m surprised to know Hitler had a good testicle. It seems to me they should have been black, dry, shrivelled up and about ready to fall off.
He only had one.
I always admire Aunty’s ability to put a good fashion spin on self-improvement, but this time I fear the fix will be only temporary. Who can resist nibbling anything covered in Hundreds and Thousands??? On the other hand/foot, it’ll be pretty hard going for Jason to find anything that competes with shoes covered in squirrels, I suppose. Perhaps that’s Aunty’s update on the *’verre/vair’* controversy. What was I thinking—AB is an unfailing genius after all! A true Cinderfella story. Les is more, and all that.
I can always rely on you for a considered, coherent comment Lass!