Still Giving Lurve One Year On
Cellulite Blues
Please help me Oily George!
At first I thought cellulite was the lost tribe of Israel. Then my friend Amanda thought it was a low fat spread. She is kinda right as it has spread all over my thighs. I’ve tried lard, monkey innards and even laid a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel over the affected area – alas to no avail.
What can you suggest?
Sue, Melton Mowbray
Oily Replies
What you mean they aren’t a lost tribe of Israel?
In my line of business – ‘grown ups art’, cellulite is indeed a concern as I know that my discerning fans, as they sit peering at the screen, tissue in hand, do not wish to observe what looks like discarded orange peels wriggling in ecstasy. Puts some people off their, eh, stroke, if you will. There is a surgery close to my home here in Silicon Valley which deals with this problem. I’ll send you the contact details. Meantime Sue perhaps you could send me a picture of your breasts lathered in baby oil? It’ll give the surgeons a better idea of which procedure best suits.
Lasciviously Yours
Oily
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
That Oily is a subtle gent…
Classy guy
Oil is right with the world with a lardectomy.
Seconded
Poor Sue talks about thighs and Oily talks about breasts. Iconic gender gap.
Plus ca change?
Full diagnosis always the sign of a professional
No stone unturned no thigh unwobbled
George in Silicon Valley! That explains the…white pants.
The next Bill Gates
I can only thank you for not making Oily a ginger.
Thanks Michelle – Barbara Taylor Bradford tweeted me about it!