Hello,
- Out of the World Cup
- Walloped in the Cricket
- Allowed predatory paedophile TV Stars to sustain child abuse in plain view
- An incompetent Prime Minister stiffed by the Europeans
- An Establishment clique exposed in the Courts as contemptuous of The People
- A nation governed for the benefit of Bankers.
Even the Scottish may show them the finger!
Pity England…..
England gifted the world – Football, Rugby, Tennis, giggling, The Rule of Law, the tank top, Pleurisy, pleated skirts, sandwiches, Parliamentary Democracy, trapped wind, the concentration camp and poorly drawn international boundaries. Oh and Margaret Thatcher.
As Shakespeare wrote, “Tis, Twas, Aforesaid herewith are we not yet more than but could we be? Advance yonder light and rest upon my girded goatee.”
The nation is down in the dumps. What is the answer?
New games gifted to grateful foreigners – but fear not in another 100 or so years England will be crap at these too!
Hooray! Hooray!
SOME GAMES THE ENGLISH CAN GIVE TO THE WORLD! GRATIS! FREE!
1. Formation Immolation – Team arson has never been so much fun!
2. Pillow Dribble Staining – Dribbling and sleeping – the perfect combo!
3. Donkey Dangle – hang limply from a donkey without food, water or “natural break”. A sport that combines endurance, pointlessness and chafing in equal measure.
4. Pluckery – Competitors are blindfolded, nailed to a wheel and spun for 24 hours – they are then asked to come up with a cogent argument for the continued existence of Piers Morgan.
This is Level 1 of Pluckery – “The cruel and unusual test of pointless endurance”.
5. Gibber – A sport with a training regime like no other. Drinking, smoking, tottering, poor bladder control, teeth staining, sitting in pubs talking cobblers and eating greasy food of dubious quality on the way home, whilst talking more nonsense.
Every day. For decades.
“I think therefore I gibber.” D’escartes.
6. Octogenarian Bollock Drop and Roll Ball – You will be aghast at the stretchy tessies elderly gentlemen possess.
7. Bouncing Bards – Poets hop around a running track and recite poems written by local halfwits.
8. Sado-Masochist Balls – Teams of S & M types – line em up against a wall and rub them feverishly with sandpaper – ALL OVER.
9. Sausage Pocket – Throw a sausage – from distance – into a team mate’s pocket – The Javelin meets Lacrosse using a savoury meaty snack.
10. Nervous Team Titter – The game for those who react to pressure by giggling – a team of titterers seek to score “giggle goals” in a variety of embarrassing situations.
Come On Kate – Get Pregnant!
Sweet Jesus
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
Sausage pocket makes my life.
You are not alone Nancy!
Jesus, give it up! It’s our turn to piss everyone off.
The baton is gratefully passed on
How about Crumpet Catch. You take a crumpet and dunk it in a cup of tea and throw the whole thing at a Beefeater from the back seat of your Rolls drop top.
Classy John – I can see this being big in The Hamptons
The pillow dribble. Hey, I can do that one, Jim! But you guys have tea and crumpets and you make time for tea. That counts for a lot.
Crumpets…..Mmmmm…..
It’s time for another cleanup…..send all your under-performing rubbish on a leaky sailing ship to Australia. England can be a great sporting nation again.
One day – but the whingeing going on…….
You’re still #1 in Per Capita Mooning, so you’ve got something going for you. Though, if Scotland breaks away, I’m not sure if that will still stand.
A nation waits…
Brace yourself for a shock in cricket this summer. If your bowlers can still make the ball rise above knee height and send it down at anywhere over 58 miles an hour.
The knives are out for Cook!
I’d be a Gibber world champ
This is the sport we will rule the world in Joe. FOREVER!
I feel like getting that tattooed on my forehead
I will organise a sponsored walk to help with the costs
I quote my other half:
“Walk? The only walking I’ll do is to the bar to get another drink”
Such wisdom
He’s 102kg, maybe he should walk more 😀
Hey wasn’t #4 Pluckery popular for ages in England? Seems darkly remembered – long ago….which would mean Piers is much older than he reveals…would account for his sucking the life out of things….
Nervous Team Titter – no fair. Many of our elected officials must have gotten early notice of this and have already been in training.
So why are the Scotts dawdling? You’d think they would know which way the wind blows? Just skirting the obvious.
The Scottish debate is interesting – it is obvious they sohuld go it alone but there appears to be a deep split in the nation based on age and class. It will be close – but I would have thought all nations strive for self-determination!
As you can see Nervous Team Titter is already a global sport in which the English are being overtaken – now Andy Murray has lost at Wimbledon – oh dear.
More than one finger being directed at Messrs. Bank, Wank and Coalition. I don’t even like sport but I’ll surely be raising my hand for that. Slainte! 🙂 x
Indeed!
“Nervous Team Titter” … don’t think the Brits have a corner on that. (Jim, your imagination never ceases to amaze! )
Thanks Jamie – but it is a sport we can gift the World!
Under water hang gliding. I’ve said it before and i will bore the tits off everyone by continuing to say it. Underwater hang gliding is a sport we could turn into our own, There’s an untapped market for it. It doesnt know it but there is.
Can you post a pic of Ed eating his bacon sandwich it’s kind of hypnotic. Actually maybe it was his wife’s bacon sandwich. That would explain the look on his face
Good shout – Ed and his sarnie is on the to do list!
I’m not much of a sports aficionado, Jim, but I’d walk an extra mile or two to better understand Gibber. I think American television, a major player in the decline of civilization, may have a reality show built around Gibber. The difference in our countries, Jim, is that England is down in the dumps because of some of the latest events, and in America, we don’t even know when we’re in trouble. We just think we’re special. 🙂
I think oyu are onto something Debra – went to see the Tour de France roll thru London yesterday – fantastic!
You almost made me forget what a mess Canada is right now. Perhaps we could swap out some of the bad ‘uns?
You go first Michelle
OK. What will you give me for Rob Ford?
2 David Camerons and 1 Prince Charles
That’s pretty steep. But probably worth getting rid.