Tommy Tapper, “Bodger To The Stars” provides insights into DIY.
If it can be fixed he won’t be able to do it
His manual, “Don’t Forget To Turn The Gas Off “ is an acknowledged masterclass in the no-nonsense, no worries, no skill approach to DIY.
Here are some of his trade secrets for Shelves.
1. What is the primary purpose of a Shelf? For shy people to be left on.
2. Where are Shelves located? On walls. At the end of Continents.
3. What are they made of? Stiff things.
4. Normal Shelf problems? Wonkiness.
5. Things to consider before you fix a Shelf;
i) If you can’t fix it by hitting it with your hammer, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.
ii) The journey time to your local Accident and Emergency unit.
iii) Have a spirit level handy to check for wonkiness. Never drink the liquid in a spirit level. It is not a spirit. If you do – see ii) above.
iv) Give silent praise to the inventor of the Rawlplug.
5. Little known facts about the Shelf
i) A photograph of a shelf is called a shelfie.
ii) Shelvery was an Olympic sport until 1928.
Advice is worth its weight in gold when it is timely. Have been wondering how to get the kitchen shelf back up. Now I know. Local emergency unit, here I come.
Hooray!
LOL post. I did study this in school and few know shelvery is also a code of manners when dealing with shy people who are left on.
Arise Sir John! a knight so bold yet steeped in kindness to the people of the shyer
Yes My Lord.
Some may think that Tommy Tapper’s a little bit dull of mind, but I’m betting he is in the intelligent minority of people who know about continental shelves. He may want to consider geology as a side trade.
Plate Tectonics with only a claw hammer and a big heart at his disposal!
Full of great tips. I feel more able already !
We are here to serve Peter!
A true builder 🙂
Tea break!
A shelfie….heehee.
I was proud of that one Andra
Brilliant! Very punny!
Cheers – hope you are well!
🙂
So what is that liquid in the spirit level? What is a rawlplug? Thank goodness I know what a shelfie is.
I thought it was Gin. A rawlplug is the little plastic appendage you use to fix screws into walls bits of wood etc after drilling a hole. Hooray for shelfies!