I Have No Head! Can I Find Love Oily George? |

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I Have No Head! Can I Find Love Oily George?

April 30, 2014 by gingerfightback

Heads Up

Dear Oily

My man left me for another woman. I have an amazing figure but sadly lack a head at the moment. Would you like to go out with me? Have you got a spare head you can send me?

Penelope, Bridport

Oily Replies,

Penny you need to stop looking at the negatives. Everyone has their cross to bear. Look at the following list of well known X Factor celebrities. All are/were missing something:

Admiral Nelson – Arm and eye

Van Gogh – Ear

David Beckham – Brain

Kelly Osborne – Talent

Simon Cowell – Conscience

Stephen Hawking – Various

Hitler – Testicle

Greyfriars Bobbie – An Owner

And yet they are/were all superstars in their own right overcoming all sorts of disadvantages in the process. So take heart, look ahead (oops sorry). Get out there and party. Live life to the max. As my friend the actress Lena Hedley (oops sorry) says -Hedonism rocks. (oops sorry).

Oily

Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, Satire, UK | Tagged Canada, David Beckham, Greyfriars Bobby, Hitler, Humor, Humour, Kelly Osborne, Lord Nelson, Love, Overcoming Depression, Satire, Show Business, Simon Cowell, Stephen Hawking, UK, USA | 25 Comments

25 Responses

on April 30, 2014 at 11:31 am | Reply Ankur Mithal

We could run into some cultural translation issues here, but here goes in any case…
It used to be said in Bombay that many women who lack a top-storey, make-up with an ample mezzanine. I agree with Oily. Don’t fret about the inconsequential body parts.
- on April 30, 2014 at 3:56 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I can see Oily making it big in India, Ankur.
on April 30, 2014 at 12:17 pm | Reply Sue Dreamwalker

If thats not enough for Penelope.. then I suggest trying the Wizard of Oz.. 🙂 Enjoy your day and thank you so much for your well wishes.. Sue x
- on April 30, 2014 at 3:56 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Follow the yellow brick road……
on April 30, 2014 at 1:05 pm | Reply John W. Howell

Missing parts only makes for an interesting relationship. One can find a head anywhere, perhaps even borrow one.
- on April 30, 2014 at 3:57 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Honestly, you Texans!
  - on April 30, 2014 at 5:58 pm John W. Howell
    
    Yup
on April 30, 2014 at 1:17 pm | Reply The Regular Guy NYC

Well. I guess she won’t have to worry about giving head in her next relationship!
- on April 30, 2014 at 3:57 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Sssshhh! This is a family show!
on April 30, 2014 at 1:39 pm | Reply aFrankAngle

Oily was quite the gentleman for not offering a head.
- on April 30, 2014 at 3:58 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  He’s old school Frank.
  - on April 30, 2014 at 6:09 pm aFrankAngle
    
    True … He may of sense she couldn’t handle it.
on April 30, 2014 at 2:46 pm | Reply El Guapo

I don’t know if Oily’s advice is valuable here, as he is a well known backs-of-knees fetishist to whom heads are irrelevant…
- on April 30, 2014 at 4:01 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  He has a catholic taste in fetish
on April 30, 2014 at 3:27 pm | Reply Waldo "Wally" Tomosky

Possibly we could get Admiral Nelson to keep an eye out for Penelope’s new Beau. Additionally Van Gogh should keep his ear to the ground. However, I wouldn’t look to Hitler for any help; he is half nuts.
- on April 30, 2014 at 4:02 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I wonder if the missing testicle ever turned up Wally. It could make for a great fraud perpetrated on rolling news channels
on April 30, 2014 at 4:58 pm | Reply Peter Wells aka Countingducks

I lost my head years ago, so perhaps we’d get on !
- on April 30, 2014 at 8:21 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  A burden to shoulder! Or not maybe…..
on April 30, 2014 at 7:34 pm | Reply Sandee

😀
on April 30, 2014 at 10:54 pm | Reply GOF

Good advice. Heads are highly over-rated.
- on May 1, 2014 at 6:03 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I agree
on May 1, 2014 at 7:37 am | Reply Three Well Beings

There are disabilities, and then there are disabilities! Fortunately, she lacks a head at the moment. Is it coming back?
- on May 1, 2014 at 7:58 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Don’t bet on it Debra!
on May 1, 2014 at 2:41 pm | Reply Val

Some people bury their head in the sand, maybe Penelope could look for one there?
- on May 1, 2014 at 3:19 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  For some reason the thought of heads in sand makes me shudder Val!