Dear Fanny,
My husband has taken to eating his own toe-nails and belly button fluff. When I finally discovered his dirty little secret and confronted him, he confessed that this had been going on ever since I discovered the diet book ” Ooh, you are offal, but I like you” by Seamus McButter.
I feel betrayed! Little did I know that he’d been giving his tripe porridge, testicle broth and roast pig’s spleen to the dog. No wonder it looks so pleased with itself.
Please help!
Doris, Suffolk.
Dear Doris.
What an ungrateful fool he is! He would need to eat the entire toe-nail clippage of the population of Wales to get the equivalent calcium content of a fried kidney.
Incidently, during my recent appearance on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” I tried a Possum’s penis for the first time. And delicious it was! One of the presenters Ant or Dec, thought it rather hilarious.
So my dear may I encourage you to continue with your offal only diet by sending this marvellous French classic recipe of Devilled Kidneys on toast.
6 lambs kidneys (trimmed)
A large knob of butter
A spoon of plain flour mixed with a large pinch of paprika and a smidgeon of salt.
2 spoons of crème fraiche
1 spoon of Dijon mustard
A few drops of Worcestershire sauce
Coat the kidneys in the flour mixture. Melt the butter in a non stick pan and fry the kidneys for 2-3 minutes each side. Add a splash of W’shire sauce, the Dijon mustard and the crème fraiche.
Pile the kidneys onto hot buttered toast and serve with a large glass of Chianti. Et voila.
A cheap, nutritious, tasty meal for all the family, including the dog, to enjoy!
Le Fannoir!
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
hilarious!
Cheers!
Worse yet, hardly any Welsh actually clip their nails.
Never play footsie with a Welshman – your feet will be shredded in minutes
Is the testicle broth cream-based?
Mushroom I beleive
Dear Fadge
Do you have a recipe for buggered liver?
Thanks
Time will tell!
Will the devilled kidneys keep on a long hike? I know the Chianti will , but not sure of the kidneys
2 days max
I thought Devilled Kidneys was when you cut out somebody’s kidneys and put them on a stone slab in a dark wood and chanted satanic stuff until a flaming pitchfork fried them for you?
That is the al dente version of the recipe
Very timely as we were looking for a recipe to serve at the upcoming family gathering. Nothing like tried and true recipes with good recommendations.