Hello Aunty
I learned a new word today. Tuesday.
This means that my week is now four days long. Wednesday, Saturday, Monday and now Tuesday. What can I do to fill my time on Tuesdays? The other days of the week I dribble and wet myself.
Damp Dave, The Thickest Man On Earth
Dear Dave
The days missing are Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Learn these by heart as it will make your week complete.
Spend Thursday cleaning up Monday and Wednesday’s dribble and wee in preparation for another bout of bodily leakage, although now you have Tuesday you have the option of option of either cleaning up Monday’s mess or having another day to sit in a mire of your own making on Tuesday and Wednesday and having a bloody big clean up on Thursday (see above for the new days added to your week).
I would advise against this. Best to try and hold back on Tuesday and then have a good tidy up on Wednesday (confusing isn’t it?)
This leaves Thursday free to go to the Job Centre to look for some kind of gainful employment, although I see few openings.
Friday – feel free to either scan the local paper for supplies of Cosifits or revert to type in preparation for the Saturday clean up.
Sunday, if you can control your bowels, visit the local museum to see how your ancestors lived.
Yes Dave they lived just like you although at least they had the get up and go to throw their excretia out of the window into the street below (this may be an option for you in order to avoid your interminable cleaning detail).
Sunday evening settle down in front of “Call the Midwife a Twat” and feel free to wee and dribble to you heart’s content. This programme has a similar effect on millions of people across the country as they prepare for another week of toil.
At least you’ve got Monday to clean up Dave, eh?
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
You are twisted. And I love it.
Good!
A clear schedule means a clean life. Or something like it.
Absolutely!
That hair clip also puts oil back into dry hair.
Suffer from dry scalp myself actually.
Hard to believe even our ancestors had the get up and go to get up and go.
Has Dave considered a really snug diaper?
He’ll nevr even know he went!
Once again you can be relied upon to come up wiht a wise and practical answer Guap!
Oh, if that’s true,then we’re all doomed! 😉
Scary isn’t it!
Dave missed out Yesterday and Today and Tomorrow from his list. His list of 7 days will be complete. Aunty pulling a fast one on him again.
She’s a card!
Wow, Dave’s going to be exhausted now he has seven days a week to dribble and wet himself.
Even God had a day off!
Oh Dave. I fear you and I would never be able to agree upon the evening’s telly. I’m looking forward to Call the Midwife starting up again on Sunday evening. In general, however, you do offer sound advice. We had an earthquake an hour ago very near my home…it was scary and my dog, Zena, is very upset. Do you have any advice for us?
Debra – wear a cauliflower on your head – absolutely no use in relation to the Richter scale et al but you will help takeZena’s mind off the terror the poor mutt will be going through. I would also suggest making preparations to evacuate your home via that nifty model railway in your garden. But don’t wear the cauliflower in case you get stuck in any low bridges. Hope this helps and best of luck.
Auntie Bill is such a character, not unlike her creator, eh? 🙂
If you knew her/him you would be very very scared…