The Op Was A Disaster And Now I Am Part Sheep! – Help Me Aunty Bill!

Hello Aunty

I recently had a new leg sewn on. Unfortunately the surgeon had been on the ale for several days and sewed a leg of lamb on by mistake. Whilst this caused initial embarrassment my boyfriend said not to worry as his head is made of cauliflower and his elbows are made of roast potatoes.

He said he always fancied roasting me and the leg of lamb just seems to spur him on.

Should I be worried?

Baaarbaaara, Sheppey

Dear Baaarbaaara;

I wouldn’t be too worried, this is early days and after allowing the leg to knit fully, a bit of lop sided walking should be possible with the aid of a shepherds crook for support.

Ewe should be aware that in less developed countries where prosthetics are in their infancy, animal/vegetable substitutes have been used for many years to replace missing or deformed body parts. In the Ewe K it’s still a relatively new form of surgery and considerably cheaper than going for the real thing.

Whilst out and about you’ll attract attention and the odd barbed comment but a quick word from the cauliflower kid and dig in the ribs from his Maris Pipers should avoid any unpleasant incidents.

You may be interested in reading the story of the Kathmandu Ken, the blind postman, who had the head of a domestic cat transplanted on to his shoulders after attending the vet instead of the local hospital (an easy mistake to make if you can’t see). His inspiring stories of being able to see in the dark, chase mice for food, sleep for 18 hours a day and clean his own arse make for truly inspiring reading.

Just keep the mint sauce under lock & key as you don’t want to be a midnight feast for your root cropped beau.