Oily
Several years ago I followed your fabulous diet book, “Masturbate Yourself Thin”, lost three stone and could crack walnuts with my right hand. Sadly I tugged with such ferocity that my foreskin is now over three feet long and when I am in the shower my love missile looks kinda…..weird. Do you have any tips for reeling it in. Or is surgery the only way?
Bellend Tom, Belenses
Hi Bellend,
My we have quite a few wankers contacting me this week! Fine by me!
Could you contact my secretary Salacious Sadie? We have just the part for you. It’s an updated/skewered/perverted version of the Elephant Man and tells the story of the many scraps and bedroom farces old Merrick might have got into with various buxom wenches if he had been a bit less depressive, more outgoing and could run fast like Benny Hill.
Oily
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
I know exactly what Bellend Tom is going through. But I only lost half a stone…
Lightweight!
I laughed at this until I hurt myself, Jim. I’m really surprised someone hasn’t come up with this diet for read.
Can you imagine the DVD to go with it Andra? Jeez the faces. Of course we would need a celebrity version……
Oh my! Wonder what sort of side-effects women might experience on this diet — well, no need for me to worry about this one. Ironically, I’m on the Worry Yourself Thin Diet 😀
Stop worrying and start masturbating! I think……..whoops!
:):):)
I’ll say it looks weird! But at least he’s got a job offer. Maybe earn enough for that surgery.
That maybe stretching a point, so to speak
🙂
At least as he gets older he can tie a knot in it to prevent incontinence.
Like a party balloon!
It fits on Mr Cruise, as he is a scientologist weenie!
Are they allowed to play with themselves?
The problem is muscle weighs more than fat so this diet is a tough one. I like the Cruise missile.
Tom’s penis does resemble a chipolata apparently
The funny thing being, I would watch the hell out of that movie. Is it a remake? A reboot? A satire? Doesn’t matter.
It is a classic tug of love movie