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Winter Olympics 2014 – What Sports Would You Like To See?

February 20, 2014 by gingerfightback

Hello,

GFB has been following the Winter Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014 and our reporter Ginger Sooty, The Glove Puppet Of Dreams, has been reporting on the sports at these Games, that are quite simply Sochi 2014, that haven’t made the headlines. Sports such as Full Contact Yodeling, Octagenarian Testicle Slalom, and Ice Donkey Dangling.

A number of fine individuals have come up with sports they would like to see in future Games.

Mr Guapola suggested;

Jello wrestling and Pudding wrestling – both preferably in the nude a la ancient Greece.

Mr DJ Gourdoux suggested;

Men’s “Bithatone” combining cross-country skiing with shopping for a new shirt.
Women’s “Rice Hockey,” teams attempt to put the puck in a bowl of long grain rice
“Figuring Skating,” contestants perform spins, twist and jumps while solving polynomial functions of multiple variables
Men’s Speed Shaving (this year’s controversial change in the minimum beard length requirement certainly favoured the Russians in his opinion).

Mr Crawshaw has suggested;

Weight lifting on frozen ponds. Best moist snatch wins
Bare arsed skiing. One who collects the most snow gets gold and cold
Icelandic curling. Packet of frozen peas nearest the fish fingers takes it
Amateur ski jumping. Winner gets to kick the shit out of Eddie ‘The Eagle’
Downhill bin bags for poor people. Sponsored by David Cameron. No heats
In line Waterboarding (Sadly cancelled as the Russians claimed the USA win every time)
Fishing through a hole in the ice (not a competition, just trying to get something decent to eat)

putinsooty

WHAT SPORTS/GAMES/STUPIDITY DO YOU THINK SHOULD FEATURE IN THE GAMES? PRIZES FOR THE BEST SUGGESTION!

Posted in Humor, Humour, UK, Winter Olympics | Tagged Blogging, Britain, Canada, Comedy, Humor, Humour, Insurance policy, Random, Russia, Satire, Sochi, Sport, Sports, UK, USA, Winter Olympics | 21 Comments

21 Responses

on February 20, 2014 at 7:48 pm | Reply El Guapo

I think the only thing holding Rice Hockey back from achieving prominence is the insistence of the India team that the rice be jasmine.

(They associate Long Grain with the travails of colonialism.)
(And I’d like a window seat on my bus ride to hell, please.)
- on February 21, 2014 at 5:41 am | Reply Ankur Mithal
  
  Jasmine rice normally comes from places like Thailand. Popular Indian variety is “basmati”.
  - on February 21, 2014 at 11:03 am gingerfightback
    
    Perhaps we can an inter continental play off to settle the rice strain before the actual competition?
  - on February 21, 2014 at 12:11 pm El Guapo
    
    Olympic scandal!!!
    
    Get Bob Costas eye on it!
  - on February 21, 2014 at 1:45 pm gingerfightback
    
    Having googled Bob Costas I can safely say he is the man for the job. Great nose.
  - on February 21, 2014 at 1:55 pm El Guapo
    
    He had pink eye for the first few days of coverage before they pulled him off-camera.
    It was a bigger story than the games, briefly.
  - on February 21, 2014 at 2:39 pm gingerfightback
    
    Good Lord!
- on February 21, 2014 at 10:52 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Uncle Ben is miffed!
on February 20, 2014 at 9:41 pm | Reply Three Well Beings

I think it’s time to introduce icicle fencing, with advancing skills levels.

1) Icicle fencing–nothing but icicles and two competitors

2) synchronized balletic fencing (with sausage on the heads for adornment) to add a little art–kind of like the ribbon gymnastics in the summer Olympics

3) Dueling icicles (winner can demand opponent loses citizenship in their home country). More than medals at stake would increase television viewership.

I’d suggest that competitors be fully dressed for icicle fencing.
- on February 21, 2014 at 5:33 am | Reply Ankur Mithal
  
  Putin won’t be able to participate in that case
  - on February 21, 2014 at 11:01 am gingerfightback
    
    As always Ankur, you make the most pertinent of points. I will allow Putin to bare his nipples. Not the sort of man you say no to.
- on February 21, 2014 at 10:59 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Thanks Debra – I’m glad icicle fencing is undertaken full clad – could be an embarassing moment there if not – and the potential loss of citizenship is a brilliant idea!
on February 20, 2014 at 10:17 pm | Reply appletonavenue

Competitive snow man building. The one that lasts the entire Olympics wins.
Snow ball fights. Two teams of 5 throw snowballs. First one to break a window wins.
- on February 21, 2014 at 11:00 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Carrots and coal optional extras?
  - on February 22, 2014 at 12:57 am appletonavenue
    
    Of course!
on February 20, 2014 at 10:32 pm | Reply J.D. Gallagher

I’m surprised Russia has not made discrimination an Olympic sport, they have been training for a long time now.
- on February 21, 2014 at 11:00 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Sniper attack – The Ruskies appear to have that one nailed down as well..
on February 21, 2014 at 6:06 am | Reply djgourdoux

These are all great ideas, but none of them compare to “Full Contact Yodeling” or the “Agoraphobic Biathalon” (“it started ten days ago but no-one has left the changing tent yet”) Pure genius! I remain in awe – long live GFB and Ginger Sooty!
- on February 21, 2014 at 11:04 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Most kind DJ and thanks for the idea of Rice Skating which is causing something approaching a furore in these parts!
on February 23, 2014 at 7:10 pm | Reply silkpurseproductions

El Guapo has a wonderfully vivid imagination, especially naked.
- on February 23, 2014 at 8:06 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  The merest thought of a naked Guapola…..