Hello Oily
I recently saw you at the French Polishers having your tan topped up. I must say I was impressed with the lengths you go to perma tan yourself and may I say your buttocks are an exemplar for a man of your age. My question is would you ever varnish your penis? And if so what lacquer treatment would you recommend?
Stiff Ben, Wendover
Oily Replies;
Hey Stiffie!
Good to hear from you, its been a while. One of Hefner’s party’s if I recall? Was the hospital able to remove the gerbil?
Having a right beast of a penis I enjoy polishing it alot. Sometimes I apply the polish myself though I am a great believer in the old adage ‘many hands make light work; especially when you have an unfeasibly large one’.
I tend to apply to my appendage whatever is lying about the house though this has proved painful in the past when not wearing my reading glasses. There are household cleaning fluids most definitely not meant for application to one’s extremities. But hey ho no pain no gain as dear old Granny Oily used to say.
Oily
Oily, as a follow-up question: Do you prefer lemon, ocean breeze, or aardvark scented varnishes?
Ocean Breeze. Every time
Reminds me of Rover Scouts on camp, and a punishment involving application of golden syrup to that area, where the only washing facilities consisted of an ice-cold waterfall – in winter!
Ouch!
What kind of cloth does oily use? I have found lamb’s wool to be best. Cactus mitten the worst.
Chamois John, always chamois
ah yes
I feel I have to ask the obvious question: what if you or your penis is of sufficient natural colour to not require a tan? What do you do then?
Leave it alone!
Leave the penis alone, you mean? That doesn’t sound very sporting.
But hygienic
Not from the penis’ point of view! Oh dear, I really don’t know where I’m going with this.
Keep going – it will end up somewhere
Oh boy…
Love Buddy Holly to!
This company should hire Oily as a spokesperson. http://tinyurl.com/kzvz6ey
A marriage made in heaven Frank!
An now, if they can only get together.
The phone number is clear enough
With the amount of varnishing Oily’s been subjecting himself to, I’d suggest just going all the way and getting the damn thing bronzed.
What a mould that would be!
Gives new meaning to “polishing one’s knob” I must say.
It certainly does