Hello,
As much as I appreciate my lovely wife Shirley’s attempts to prolong my life via roughage, there are times when a man needs a fry up. And if he still has the energy, a spot of self abuse afterwards. But never during.
So I nipped into the Corner Cafe and ordered three eggs, three sausages, four rashers, beans, tomatoes, fried slice, fried potatoes, chips, black pudding, white pudding, kidneys. liver, chicken burger, beans, mushrooms, burger, fish fingers, toast. And broccoli. Oh and a mug of tea.
In the Cafe was an old friend, Pete “The Bastard” who was ramming a raw black pudding up a poor fella’s nostril.
This bloke had laughed at Pete “The Bastard’s” wig. I always stifle a giggle when I see it. It is made of corduroy and is laminated. But Pete “The Bastard” thinks it makes him look like Bob Marley. He’s not a man to argue with.
“Awright Bob?” he said as the last piece of black pudding filled the poor victim’s nasal cavity.
“Alright The Bastard?”
That was our conversation.
I needed the facilities and enjoyed the smell of frying bacon as I performed me business. I also read about the growing food shortage in the world and how mass starvation was years away.
I remembered my mum telling me to think about the starving children in Africa.
I cancelled the toast. I like to do my bit.
Laters.
Bob
Surely you would have cancelled the broccoli?
I’m genuinely losing my hair… Do you have any pics of Pete’s wig?
Sadly not – Bob religiously sticks to his 5 a day regmie
At least Pete ”The Bastard’s” wig wasn’t hand knit by his mum. That would have been too funny to hide the giggle.
I am chortling now John!
A mug of tea? (mum’s right – a saucer would do…send them a saucer)
OK
Perhaps the poor victim asked The Bastard to fill his nose so he wouldn’t have to smell the results of Bob’s business?
Brilliant! Black pudding is also an aphrodisiac
Shirley would be pleased to know you still made room for broccoli, Bob. I’m sure it balanced out the rest of the meal!
He is as regular as clockwork is our Bob – all thanks to broccoli and other brassics.
No toast? Such self-sacrifice brings tears to the eyes … or is that due to constipation?
With all that processed meat binding him up I do believe you have hit the nail on the head!
He’s a thoughtful man, our Bob.
He has at least 3 thoughts a day!
I can usually only come up with 1.5 thoughts.
One more than me!
Blood pudding…I don’t believe I can eat this one. But, who needs toast, although personally I love the toast. With butter, please.
And lemon and lime marmalade……
You should be proud of your efforts. Like our learned economists remind us occasionally when we slip into reasonable behaviour, unless we consume what we don’t need to, the global economy will collapse. And we will be responsible.
We will Ankur and we should feel guilty about our failings
Bob, you’re so inspiring! i too will do without sausage today!
Hoorah!
Oh, Bob, there can be no doubt that your efforts (of all sorts) will go far to save the world. And yet, they have not put me off me fry-ups either. So the starving will undoubtedly have to make do without a few settings of the Full English. Sad, but necessary.
Tough love is the best love
Cancel the toast. Save the bacon. Bob, you are is truly doing your best and I applaud your efforts.
He should be a world leader