My Friend Featured In the Bible – Honest!

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My Friend Featured In the Bible – Honest! – By Agnes DuPont

October 17, 2013 by gingerfightback

Hello,

Regular readers will recall that I met a man called Trevor through the reincarnee’s dating agency, “Have We’ve Met B4?” (www.previouslovepreviouslives.com). Trevor in a previous life was a Roman Centurion. (You can read more about how we met here!)

Sadly it didn’t work out. Basically he spent all his time assembling a 25,000 piece mosaic of himself as a Gladiator killing a Christian, in his spare bedroom. Odd.

So I am single at the moment!

Recently, whilst shoplifting, I bumped into an old friend Cindy. I hadn’t seen her for ages on account of her taking up with some hippies who went to live in a tepee in the Slad Valley. Cindy spent most of her time weaving baskets made from dessicated skin. Through a combination of primal scream therapy , magic mushrooms and cider she inhabited the soul of Lot’s Wife! (the one who turned to a pillar of salt after turning back to look at Sodom for the non-religious amongst you).

She said it wasn’t much fun being a pillar of salt, made her dandruff salty and she would dissolve a bit in the rain.

Being Lot’s wife wasn’t for her! (Funny how Lot’s wife doesn’t have a name).

To prove her tale, she let me lick her forearm. Boy was it salty! She’s staying with me whilst her tepee is deep cleaned. Whenever I have a boiled egg for breakfast she dips her little finger in the eggs and hey presto! they are nicely salted!

When it snows, I will roll her down the garden path! Save me a fortune.

Agnes

Posted in Humor, Humour | Tagged Black Humor, Blogs, Britain, Funny, Gloucestershire, Humor, Humour, Lots Wife, Reincarantion, Religion, Salt, Stories, The Bible | 17 Comments

17 Responses

on October 17, 2013 at 12:44 pm | Reply galealbright

Making the best of a bad situation. She can mix grapefruit and gin and stir with her finger to make salty dogs for brunch.
- on October 17, 2013 at 1:19 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Multi-talented, multi-salty and multi tasking Gale!
on October 17, 2013 at 1:58 pm | Reply susielindau

Sounds like she may be a relative of Ed Gein in Wisconsin! He made the same sort of lampshades….
- on October 17, 2013 at 2:45 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Sounds a charmer Susie!
on October 17, 2013 at 3:43 pm | Reply Richard Daybell

And you’re always being licked by deer.
- on October 17, 2013 at 6:47 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Fast buck
on October 17, 2013 at 5:41 pm | Reply Andra Watkins

“Whilst shoplifting”

The buried gems in these make them even funnier.
- on October 17, 2013 at 6:47 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I had a giggle to me self when that popped out Andra!
on October 17, 2013 at 7:04 pm | Reply John W. Howell

She would be good at potato crisp making by hand,
- on October 18, 2013 at 6:34 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  A fine career path!
on October 18, 2013 at 12:24 pm | Reply lostnchina

Poor Agnes just can’t seem to catch a break. Maybe she should change her…hair color…? Something in lollipop green to bring out the color of her crossed eyes?
- on October 18, 2013 at 2:49 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  We’ll give it a go!
on October 18, 2013 at 5:07 pm | Reply El Guapo

I’m so relieved to hear about a woman who wasn’t Cleopatra in a past life.
- on October 18, 2013 at 5:29 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I can only agree with you Guap!
on October 19, 2013 at 8:08 am | Reply Three Well Beings

Personally I don’t want anyone who’s been playing around with dessicated skin anywhere near my eggs!
- on October 19, 2013 at 9:34 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Very wise Debra, imagine a bit of skin in your yolk!
on October 19, 2013 at 7:00 pm | Reply appletonavenue

Ha ha! I love the way you turn a phrase: weaving with dessicated skin. Priceless! And always a pleasure to read.