Gfb has received a copy of a letter outlining how the Coalition will counter the surprise decision this week of Labour Leader Ed Miliband to address issues that affect people’s lives.
The Governments Plan? Screw the poor a bit more!
The letter entitled, “Have A Bang On This Little Number!” was written by the Secretary of State for Work and Fuckery, Iain Duncan-Spliff on parchment comprising 32 King Size Rizlas as part of the “Licking Scroungers into Shape” programme.
It reveals plans to extradite convicted benefit cheats to “Jockland” in what Duncan-Spliff calls a ‘crackdown on shirkers, shysters and roach bandits.”
“I’m not fucking having it anymore,” states Duncan-Spliff, “These northern layabouts, disableds and lone parents are still a drain on our resources. That arsehole Osborne has nicked me bong.”
The letter continues;
“The schmucks amongst the voting public still believe that we’ are all in this together! If we can victimise and isolate the poorest we will still be onto something! Rupe Murdoch is back on board as he wants to completely fuck Miliband over now that this Commie thinks that Government is meant to work for the people and not against them. What a nerve!”
The letter also outlines the success of the “Blame the darkies/slap a Frog” campaign in terms of cornering the elderly bigot vote in the Home Counties to see off the challenge of the elderly bigots in UKIP.
Duncan-Spliff’s proposals include;
• Unemployed Jobseekers will dig the tunnels on HS2 to bring down project costs. If they refuse they will be set on fire. By Simon Cowell. “Those train tunnels won’t dig them fucking selves,” Duncan-Spliff wrote.
•Disabled people’s physical and medical examinations will be held in a public gallery with three X-factor style judges scoring them. It will be a mixture of Total Wipeout and The Cube.
“The public will love it,” Duncan-Spliff notes, “A benefits system based on Reality TV! A ratings winner surely.”
• Moving the default pension age to 80. “We’ll save billions and hopefully the old bastards will freeze to death beforehand – win win!” he states.
spot on
Cheers
Never enough tunnels, reality TV, or sticks in the mud.
Agreed – your version of Football is on the TV at the moment – lads with big helmets running into each other. Makes for a great spectacle
I like the idea of running a benefit program like a reality show. Certainly the X factor, and Total Wipeout are more real than government programs
Combine the two and we are onto something John
Could be called “Benefits Survivor Smack down.”
Ratings winner!
We need this guy in America.
We will see how it plays out over the next few weeks but it is refreshing to see how,the political debate over here has been changed by one speech! People are hungry for change, not change as a slogan beloved by politicos but for a new way of running things
How about a reality show for government performance?
With something more painful than just elimination for the losers. Maybe…elimination
Crap.Please add / to the italic tag after the elimination.
Sorry about that. Having a wonky keyboard these days…
Don’t we all!
Could be worse. Come over to America where our idiot politicians have shut down the government!
I know – not impressive
Things are tough all over. Give yourselves some time, your government might shut down as well. Your queen will have to sell her jewels!
Doubt it!
Yeah. Only in America, right?
The rich and powerful look after themselves at our expense so i guess that is a worldwide trait. Queenie won’t sell her jewels for the common man! The USA has real deepseated problems – dogma driven politicians are just the tip of your iceberg i am afraid!
Yes, the “We’re a Christian nation” people. Fanatics just as bad as any other religious fanatics. I keep thinking if I got more involved things might change, but then I figure, will it all really matter in 100 years?
Probably not!
Yeah, not a lot of Christians deal with bombs…thank goodness!