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The Future’s For Foretellin’ Folks – By The Mystic Milkman

August 30, 2013 by gingerfightback

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here

I haven’t been very well. Didn’t see that coming.

Without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. November 8th 2014 – A man with large knees but low self-esteem will swim The Atlantic. Non Stop. Underwater. He will be venerated by all and held up as a role model for today’s feckless youth.

2. May 24 2015 – A Gloucester Old Spot Pig will change the way we view gravy forever by introducing Diet Coke into the recipe.

3. December 25 2015 – Lance Armstrong will marry his crack pipe in a small, family only affair in Las Vegas.

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Mary, Banbury;

You left the tin of peas on the bus

Alexi, Minsk;

You’ll find the pencil in the bread bin

Liang Bo in Shanghai

Agreed!

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….

I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….

Posted in Humor, Humour | Tagged Funny, Humor, Humour, Lance Armstrong, Mankind, Milk, Satire, Sheep, Stephen Hawking, Swimming | 19 Comments

19 Responses

on August 30, 2013 at 12:52 pm | Reply Kayjai

I can’t wait for May 15, 2015…DIET COKE GRAVY??!! I’ll be first in line with ma fries….
on August 30, 2013 at 2:33 pm | Reply El Guapo

Looking forward to the next round of predictions so I know when Large Kneed Swimmer will be stripped of all glory when it is discovered that his right knee is actually a small propeller-engine, and the left knee is a massive air bladder.

Darn you, cheating glory hound! Think of the children!
- on August 30, 2013 at 3:16 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  There is literally no answer to that!
on August 31, 2013 at 12:20 pm | Reply aFrankAngle

Could the swimming feat be due to sudden inclusion of Diet Coke Gravy into the diet.
- on September 1, 2013 at 9:55 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Maybe Frank although I doubt it!
on September 2, 2013 at 10:52 am | Reply Sue Dreamwalker

I think I will place an order with the Mystic Milkman, mines a semi-skimmed with a bottle of orange juice please and any help he can give in Foretellin over the next few weeks will be very welcome…..

Thank you for dropping by Ginger, I hope we can all be as you, and keep our sense of humour… For to make someone smile is a gift, Thank you Ginger for all the smiles you bring
~Sue
- on September 2, 2013 at 1:20 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Thanks Sue
on September 2, 2013 at 2:34 pm | Reply joehoover

I note there is no end of the world predicted. I’ll believe the milkman over the mayan
- on September 2, 2013 at 5:28 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Please do Joe – full fat or semi skimmed tomorrow morning?
  - on September 3, 2013 at 2:27 pm joehoover
    
    I’m on the 1% stuff now, kinda like white coloured water
  - on September 3, 2013 at 6:50 pm gingerfightback
    
    Check your doorstep tomorrow morning
  - on September 4, 2013 at 9:40 am joehoover
    
    I live in Camden, if something was on my doorstep it would be long gone 🙂
  - on September 4, 2013 at 12:34 pm gingerfightback
    
    Damn – there was a couple of ski yoghurts, pint of orange juice and a loaf of nimble as well.
  - on September 5, 2013 at 2:36 pm joehoover
    
    Someone felt bad as they did a swap and left me a used crack pipe in it place
  - on September 5, 2013 at 4:11 pm gingerfightback
    
    Who says neighbourliness is dead?
on September 2, 2013 at 10:05 pm | Reply philosophermouseofthehedge

Crate of Destiny. I knew those milkmen were up to something
- on September 3, 2013 at 6:33 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Bread delivery as well now!
on September 6, 2013 at 7:48 am | Reply justwilliam1959

OMG I think that was my tin of peas 🙂 Thank you Mary formerly of Banbury
- on September 6, 2013 at 7:53 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Mary says to say thanks