Hello Oily
I recently had my dentures gold plated. The look really good and golden like.
Sadly, my life partner stole them and hawked them for a bargain bucket of fried chicken from Colonel Dixie’s Southern Fried Chicken “Where You Won’t Sickin For Chickin!” on Dalston High Road.
I had to suck the chicken off the bone on account of me stolen gnashers. Now my man wants to sell my elbows for a kebab. I like kebabs but not that much!
What should I do?
Obolongo, Hackney
Oily Replies;
Obolongo;
Fried chicken is perfect for topping up a tan. Have a close look at my profile pic. Peer hard enough and you will probably be able to see a golden breadcrumb or two.
I regularly use 4 day old melted fried chicken skin to baste in. Gives me that leathery cracked look, which when I look in the mirror makes me smile proudly. If I was able to smile. Skins a bit tight ya know.
It also makes one very popular with the birds. The feathery variety that is.
This doesn’t help your problem but does give me a chance to boast about my oilyness. And that is what my column is all about. And what a column eh? eh? Phoowwwaaarrrr
Lubricatedly yours
Oily
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
Mmmm…nothing like chicken you can just suck off the bone without the aid of gold plated gnashers.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Fortunately, the color is a perfect accent for my tan!
I wonder if the birds are trying to rescue him.
Here you go, Jim.
Mighty fine chicken Andra! That could be Oily to a T!
I imagine Oily would have a difficult time with rubber chickens.
Oh Yes!
Fried chicken is much safer than ordinary suntan oils, which have all kinds of preservatives in them.
At last some sanity in the debate, I knew we could rely on you!
OIly, you should try Colonel Sanders for that spicy look, if you want to attract birds (the non feathered sort).
Wise, very wise
Leathery cracked look…boy, oh boy!
Sexy or what!
My Mrs just choked on the last chicken in the shop whilst reading this gem
Is she ok?
Fried chicken tan?
Sounds tasty!
I’ve been looking for something to get that crispy fried look. Never thought about chicken fat.
We live and learn!