Keep Lung And Beautiful!
Aunty Bill,
Last week I married the man who I thought was the love of my life. Today he has left me for another man. My Dad. Dad lives in an iron lung and is mute. How can I cheer myself up?
Alison, Gloucester
Aunty Bill Replies;
Alison,
This must have come as terrible shock to you but the darkest hour is before the dawn and for you the dawn is going to be incredibly bright (sort of).
To lose your Husband to your Dad needs a firm course of action and this is what you must do.
Visit the pair of them and let your feelings be known – Dad is mute so he won’t be in a position to answer back anyway.
Check his iron lung. The chances are it is a Casio TW122Windjammer. Look for the Negative Pressure Ventilator (this should be situated adjacent to the Tank Respirator although on earlier models is linked to the aerator valve).
Turn to maximum pressure, retire to a safe distance (I’d recommend at least a third of a mile) and watch that baby go! Both problems solved at the turn of a valve.
There’s a slim chance the police will come a knocking. May I recommend Sioux, Grabbit and Runne solicitors who, for an unreasonable fee, will represent you should matters take a turn for the worse.
Aunty Bill
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
Oh Aunty Bill, You have the best advice in the whole world. Not only for the lovelorn but also for those who require the technical content. I am a field service representative for the Casio TW122Windjammer and I could not have given better instructions than you.
This is what I listen to when I work on the jammer.
How apt!
Hilarious, Jim.
Good!
That was comedy gold.
Ta – Iron Lungs are due a come back
Such a flare of brilliance!
It made me giggle to!
That Windjammer works like a charm even it it blows!
The Rolls Royce of iron lungs Susie
Sound advice as always.
But before pulling the plug (turning the valve), she should check that her man isn’t “inflating daddys lung” just for the money.
If that’s the case, she should make sure the windjammer is “oiled and lubed” for many more years of service, jus to “punish” him.
(An awful lot of “metaphors” here. I have “no idea” what I’m “talking about” anymore…)
Don’t worry Guap you are amongst friends
Auntie may be one of the few iron lung specialists in the world.
A dying trade
Interesting advice. I’m sure there’s only a “slim thread” the police will get involved. I do hope for the best, however.
You are so kind Debra!
You don’t want to mess with the fuzz – or lawyers.