Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Report

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Report – Day 3

July 30, 2012 by gingerfightback

Hello Folks,

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS, will provide a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012. Here is his update for Day 3.

Hello everyone,

Great to see Team GB win its first medals. Well done Girls! A Dutch rider won the cycling. I say fair play but demand a DRUG TEST. It was obvious the only way she could beat the plucky Brit was by downing a few pints of EPO before the start.

Generally the knees I’ve seen have been wonderful. Much better than previous Games.

The sailing started too. In the water. I listened to it on the Radio for a while. Doesn’t lend itself to radio does sailing.

MacDonald’s are offering their unused corporate seats to anyone who isn’t obese. That’s really kind of them!

Anyway there are a couple of sports I think you should look out for today.

1. Synchronised Sarcasm – A great chance for Ecuador to medal today. Their team of Martinez, Garcia and Pollyputthekettleoncahoutec told me yesterday that their only concern was the team from Lesotho, “Because like they are really, really good.”

I wonder if they were being sarcastic? They are cheeky pan piping chappies!

2. Five Metre Prone Ham Sandwich Making – A really open contest, possibly too close to call. The New Zealander, Rod Pelvis is the defending champion and his reverse butter spread backhand may give his great rival, Ireland’s Tony O’Chutney problems.

O’Chutney told me, “He may have the reverse butter spread backhand but I’ve perfected the split tin tap down and contingent slice. Bring it on!”

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Britain, Humor, London 2012, News, Puppets, Random, Satire, Sport, The Olympics | 14 Comments

14 Responses

on July 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm | Reply aFrankAngle

Which is prone – the contestant or the ham?
- on July 31, 2012 at 5:00 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Contestant, Frank
on July 30, 2012 at 10:52 pm | Reply Rich Crete

“Doesn’t lend itself to radio, does sailing”….especially when the wind is down, then the poor bastards doing play by play are truly taxed.
- on July 31, 2012 at 5:02 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Exactly! Perhpas they sing a shanty or two to pass the time. i would
on July 31, 2012 at 9:18 am | Reply trixfred30

I want to see the little-known Southern German sport of arse slapping re-introduced. Or ‘Chicken’ – where two contestants toss a live hand grenade at each other, catch it and throw it back. No silver for second place in that bad boy competition.
- on July 31, 2012 at 5:00 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  The third place play off would not make a great spectator sport either!
on July 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm | Reply El Guapo

While the sandwich making one on one competition is always thrilling, I much prefer the artistic condimenting rounds.
The costumes, the music, the cornichons…
- on July 31, 2012 at 4:59 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  I have to agree with you Guap – I always had yopu down as a rad more cerebral than most!
on July 31, 2012 at 10:50 pm | Reply philosophermouseofthehedge

Great line: “Doesn’t lend itself to radio does sailing.”
Those two events you highlighted should be on prime time TV…oh, wait….here nothing is being seen live….
Your Olympic coverage is gold metal worthy
- on August 1, 2012 at 5:25 am | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Cheers!
on August 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm | Reply Michelle Gillies

Now there is an event I could support..Synchronised Sarcasm.
- on August 1, 2012 at 3:48 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  The Olympics are for everyone Michelle!
on August 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm | Reply butimbeautiful

Very clever! Could we have you as the official Games commentator?
- on August 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Reply gingerfightback
  
  Sure – I now answer my phone within five rings