When Emotions Boil Over
Dear Aunty Bill,
My girl Polly means the world to me. She has a lovely personality, speaks several languages and is, in the vernacular, a bit of a looker. I want to ask her to marry me and bare my offspring.
She suffers from the very rare Pollyputthekettleon Syndrome which means she cannot leave the house without a full kettle perched on her perm and she can never be more than 5 metres from a plug socket to ensure the water is always boiled.
Do you think if I bought her a flexi-lead to increase her roaming distance she would walk down the aisle with me?
Carlton, Stovely
Aunty Bill Replies;
Hey Carlton!
You lucky man, sounds like the girl of my dreams as well. I love a cuppa and with her there’s never one far away!
Rather than go to expense of trailing sockets and extension leads, how about an asbestos hat as featured in this month’s edition of “Practical Millenary”?
One of these titfers, a small can of lighter fluid and you are away. Simply spray the fluid on to the hat, ignite and place the kettle in the cradle provided. Within minutes you’ll have a nice steaming brew!
But ask her to let you know if her head is getting too hot.
These hats are designed to withstand temperatures of 200 degrees for up to five minutes (so it says in the brochure), ample time to boil a kettle, although if you detect any scalp disfigurement extinguish immediately.
How about some matching gloves to go with the hat? That way your steaming brew will remain hotter for longer (so it says in the brochure).
Remember not to ignite the gloves.
Sup up!
Aunty Bill
gingerfightback.wordpress.com 
Great post! Unfortunately, that pic has blinded me!
Sorry to hear that – I’ll seek to turn the lights down a bit next time!
Aunty Bill, I don’t know what I’d do without your practical advice. Truly a lost soul. I’ve vowed to pick up the newest copy of Practical Millinery to help catching a man. I find the aroma of steak and lobster, discretely broiled, attracts the eligible bachelors en masse. To think they may have a sterno type heating element encased in a charming chapeau would be a godsend!
p.s. who IS your hairdresser? Divine!
Aunty Bill will be touched Rachael. Solitary confinement does strange things to a man/woman.
Finally, a useful answer addressing Pollyputthekettleon Syndrome.
The world has waited a long time…..
I am not sure I could survive without Aunty Bill! Ingenious advice! Now that’s using your head!
Couldn’t agree more Susie! He/She’s got it screwed on alright.
Or stick a candle up her horace and she could do a ‘cappuccino’, as they say in Soho. So I’ve heard.
I’ve heard that too.
You are so practical. Have you considered a government job? We could use your problem-solving flexibility here in the States. Debra
We’ve been approached – Can’t say anymore than that at this stage…..
Bwahaha. Now I see why you’ve just been given that ‘nutty blogger’ award. 😉
I did a Gwyneth Paltrow when I heard the news!